<3 Heart Strings <3

When I was in college I found a picture of the boy I was going to marry.  He was dark, His eyes were blue and pierced your soul to the very core of your being.  I cut a picture out of a magazine and hung it above my bed when I was in college. This picture has stayed on my mind for over 35 years.  He was the windsong boy and the advertisement said “you were always on my mind”.

Today is my anniversary.  It has been 33 years ago  today that I married my “windsong boy”.  When I met Daren I thought he was nice and every time he asked me on a date, I said yes.  He was a nice guy and spending time with him was a no brainer.  However, I knew I would never marry him because he did not look like my windsong boy. He was blonde and fair skinned and he was handsome, but he was not what my mind had pictured my husband to be.

thirty-three years have passed and I can honestly say that now he looks exactly like the “Windsong Boy”.   His hair is not that blond anymore, his skin has aged and the sides of his whiskers do have a touch of grey.   He wears grandpa glasses, his legs are still long and his eyes pierce my soul deeper than I ever imagined.  They say that your eyes are the window to the soul.  When Daren looks at me with a kindness that far surpasses beauty, time stops for a moment.

To see is to believe, to believe is to know, and to know is to love.  I’m not sure if loving him has made me a better person or knowing that he loves me solidifies that I am a better person.

I believe that somewhere in each one of us a masterpiece is being created.  I believe that once the clay was touched unbelievable things can happen.  When Daren touches me I am a better person, when he hugs me I feel safe.  When he kisses me the moon stares back and when he loves me all the planets align together.

Today I am a piece of clay being molded by another human beings soft arms.   I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I believe that every girl deserves to have a “Wind Song Boy” beneath their wing.

Angels fly with two wings,  but with an angel  like Daren you need no wings because he carries your burden and flys for you.

To love another person is to see the face of God.  I can only imagine what that will be like someday.   So for now, as I take this mortal journey with him by my side, the thoughts of eternity far surpass my wildest dreams😇

 

 

 

 

November 7, 2016

I believe that out of all the insects in the world the butterfly is the most mysterious, intricate and beautiful creature of all.  A butterfly represents growth, change and freedom.

A few months ago I was working in the yard and a yellow, blue, purple and green butterfly soured above my head.  For a moment time stood still and I wanted to capture this beautiful creature and freeze time.

I wondered what kind of caterpillar it must have been?    I wonder how long it struggled and how badly it wanted to break free.  I think in many ways we are wanting to be butterflies. Sometimes we’re just too afraid to leave our cocoon.  The caterpillar is a safe place to be.  It is one color, it stands alone and not many people notice it.  However, when the caterpillar decides to become a butterfly, amazing things start to happen.

There are about 17,500 species of butterflies throughout the world.  The exact number of butterflies is not known because there are so many different species.  It’s amazing how similar they are , but yet also so very different.

The butterfly represents love, peace, flight and most of all transformation.  I believe that all woman at one time or another dream of being a butterfly.  Mariposa is the term for butterfly in Spanish.  It’s meaning has a significance that creates fortitude and strength.

I have chosen to be a butterfly over the next 15 months.  While Kailee is on her mission she is going to change and evolve into the most beautiful butterfly that our family has ever seen.  Since she in the only female besides me in our family, I want to also become a butterfly with her.  I have set some goals that I want to accomplish before she gets home.  I believe that if I continue to achieve those goals that hopefully she will evolve with me.   A butterfly is only as good as the people it associates with.  I believe the more friends a butterfly has, the more beautiful is will become.  I also feel that the more the butterfly watches other butterflies, the stronger it will become.  The longer it stays in its cocoon, the more ability it has to face the world around it.  If a butterfly breaks through too soon, the cycle is interrupted and nature cannot create the beautiful creature that it was meant to be.

I believe that Kailee’s mission is the pupa or chrysalis stage of the butterfly.   The caterpillar’s structure is rearranged and broken down and its wings, body and legs start to develop into an adult butterfly.  To become a butterfly is not an easy task.  Their will be weather issues, food situations that may affect its growth and maybe even tiny delays in its development.  However, once these issues have been addressed and the butterfly is strong enough to break through the cocoon, a remarkable metamorphosis  will take place.

kailee has experienced friend issues, an unexpected tornado, bug bites and allergic reactions to long haired cats.  All of these little interruptions are helping her to become the butterfly she is meant to be.

Next Spring when I am in my yard planting the first flowers of the season, I know a butterfly will pass my way.  Butterflies are the heaven scent kisses of an angel.  When that butterfly passes over my head, I will know that the time is closer to seeing  Kailee again.  The  butterfly will remind me of the the picture of the young girl in the lavender fields that hung above her head when she was a little girl.  A butterfly kiss comes from heaven and when butterflies unite all of the angels in heaven take flight.  When butterflies and angels meet, it is the beginning of something magical.

When I go to bed tonight, I will dream of the butterfly that I want to be , knowing that my daughter has already taken flight.  Today my caterpillar will hold deep to the values that I have been taught my entire life.  When the time is right, the wings will begin to form and the strength of the butterfly will far surpass the test of time.

Love Wing 2

MOM

Today is Halloween my favorite holiday.  I have reflected more today than I have in a long time.

Halloween represents the young, the carefree, the creative and artistic people that for one day can actually be someone else.

My memories of Halloween include a Superman costume which my husband Daren wore.  Tyler, Austin & Blake also wore this costume.  When Blake wore it, Dylan was Batman.  My mother-in-law made this adorable outfit.  Everything  about this little royal blue and red homemade treasure just makes me happy.  Dressing up twin boys for Halloween was probably one of my favorite things to do.  This costume is still in my Halloween box and hopefully my handsome grandson Easton will wear it someday.

However, my favorite memory about  Halloween was when Sister Kailee Hogge was 18 months old.  Kailee and I used to dress up every  year in matching costumes.    I used to think about what we were going to be months before the big day.  In 1998 we were cats.   Kailee is allergic to cats, we had a cat named Pistol and Kailee was like a little cat in all of our lifes.  She laid in the same spot in our home everyday and she liked to be by a window in a warm spot.  She was quiet, inquisitive and a deep thinker. Her presence in our home made me want to be a better person.

When we dressed up as cats together I just couldn’t stop staring at her.  Her eyes seemed greener that day, her hair seemed blonder and the sucker that she held in her hand that Halloween has left a handprint on me heart❤️

When Kailee turned 12 that tradition stopped and she started dressing up with her friends.  Through the years I have convinced my awesome husband Daren to dress up with me.  The replacement was hard , but now the tradition of finding a couples costume has taken precedence in my life.

We had a Halloween party a week ago and I was the Queen of Hearts and he was the Joker.  These costumes fit our personalities perfectly.  I am a romantic, I love everything about hearts  and I always send love notes to people.  Daren, on the other hand is reserved, mysterious and very funny.  He makes me  happy, and it’s fun wondering what be may say or do to make me laugh.

I believe that everyone deserves to be someone their not for one day.  To dream, to inspire, and to make-believe that for a moment time can stand still.  May all the Supermans, mysterious cats and Queen of Hearts embrace Halloween and make a memory that will last a lifetime.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN2016

With Halloween around the corner,  my thoughts have gone back to the Lion.  When my twin boys were three I dressed them up like lions.  It was probably my favorite costume of all time.

I used to teach pre-school to 3 year olds.  I have taught 1000’s  of 3 yr olds how to swim.  I have a 3 year old granddaughter that just melts my heart.

There’s  something magical  in the number 3.  “Once, twice, three times a lady” Lynol Richies famous song.  “Tap your heels 3 times and you will be home”  from the Wizard Of Oz.  Three wise men came to the Savior when he was born in Bethlehem.  There is so much significance in the number 3.

In the LDS religion, all of our leadership positions have 3 members.  Our God head is composed of the Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost.  The numbe 3 has great significance in our lives.

Today I am sending a package to my missionary daughter.  I made 3 loafs of banana bread for her.  One for her and her companion.  One for her friend Kate who feeds her every Monday and has become her second mom, and one for her to give away.

Today I am also sending Kailee a stuffed animal that is a LION.   This Lion has great meaning in my life.  It is very hard for me to give this Lion away.  However, Kailee asked for it , and so I will send it to her.

When Kailee’s twin brothers left to go on a mission,  I bought two Lions at Deseret Book.  When Blake went into the MTC , I sent one with him.  He gave the Lion away to a Sister Missionary who was homesick.  When Dylan left on his mission I gave the other one to him.  He left in on his bed with a beautiful note that told me how much he loved me and he wanted me to keep it.

This stuffed Lion has become my little friend.  There have been way too many nights when tears have fell upon his main.  I have said more prayers holding this lion than I ever have in my entire life.

Today this lion will leave my home and go to North Carolina.  When I get to hug Sister Hogge again, she will be holding this Lion.

The Lion is the king of the jungle.  The Lion is a symbol of courage, strength and fortitude.  In the movie “The Lion King” we learn of the circle of life.  May my daughter take this Lion and hold it as dearly as I have.  I know that her prayers are more righteous than my prayers, so I know the Lord will pour out many blessings upon her as she also holds this Lion in her arms.   Courage is one man being braver than another man,  and not caring what the other man may think.  Courage, is declaring truth in a troubled world.  Courage is putting one foot in front of the other, and not looking back.  Be brave my angel missionary and know, that strength comes in the number THREE❤️.

 

 

 

 

 

I started off my morning teaching a 6:30 a.m. yoga class.  I woke up tired and over-whelmed with things in my life that I just can’t seem to fix.  I went to bed realizing all of my weaknesses and vowing to try harder to work on my strengths.

One of my strengths is yoga.  I started practicing yoga about 16 years ago.  It has become a part of my life that I hold dear to my heart.  Yoga has transformed me into a better person.  A person who likes her body and feels great joy moving in and out of varied positions that open up channels of awareness that I never thought possible.

I am 54 years old and most people do not believe that when they see me.  I tell them that I have been practicing yoga for almost as long as I have had Kailee.  I think each time I go into a yoga pose I am reminded of her and the sweet spirit that she has brought into my life.  I became interested in yoga when she was about three.  I started taking some classes at the local gym and found a connection to this practice that I had never achieved from any other form of exercise.  When you have five children under the age of 13 , you grasp at anything you can find to create peace in the over-whelming pressures of motherhood.

Now that I am an empty nester , the yoga brings me peace in a different way.  I used to go to a class to get away from the craziness of my life, now I go to a class to get away from the stillness that surrounds me.

We pray for the day when we can take a shower with no one needing us.  Then that day comes when you can take four showers a day and no one would even know.   I often wonder how God wanted mother’s to transform into being needed every second of the day, to hardly being needed at all?

I became a certified yoga teacher in 2011.  I knew that someday when all my littles were big, that it would be a bigger part of my life.  Yoga takes us to a place where no one has ever been before, a place of enlightenment, a place of learning and a continual knowledge that there is a God in heaven that truly watches over us.  Today when I taught my 6:30 a.m.  yoga class, I felt God’s presence and I knew he loved me.  The song “Love Me, That’s All I Ask Of You” was playing on my playlist and I realized how much meaning that song has in my life.

When my twin boys were 4 months old I met my husband in Los Angeles California for a two night get-away from the intense responsibility of raising 4 small children.  My husband was out of the Country a lot , and we so desperately needed a few moments together to remember why we were married and to be together without having to worry when the next little person would need us.   We arranged for 3 of the children to go to grandma’s and one of the twins to go to a neighbors for the weekend.  I flew to LA to meet my husband.  He took me to the Play “Fantom Of The Opera”  The song “Love Me, That’s All I Ask Of You” became a part of me.  Every time I hear it I think of Him, and every time I listen to the words I think of the deep need that I have to be loved.  “To love another person is to see the face of God”.  To see the face of God enables us to love other people.  If we love God first, our spouse second, our family third and put our work fourth, we will become disciples of Jesus Christ and we can truly  be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday was one of those days that I would kind of like to forget.  It was one of those days where my fear was greater than my faith.  A day when I honestly wasn’t sure I was able to get through.

It started out with me dropping off my husband at work because his car was left at the office over the weekend.  Mondays tend to be good and bad for me.  It’s the day that I hear from my missionary which should be my best day of the week.  However;  I know that she is going to have hard weeks and I think last week was kind of tough for her.  I tend to take on all of her stress because I know her so well.  I know that she is waking up with swollen eyes in the morning because she is allergic to cats.   I also know that she is dealing with a lot of rejection, and there are days when she is so homesick, she can barely breathe.  I know this is what she wants to do in her life right now. Yet, I believe there are days when being home in her beautiful blue room and soaking in her tub sound pretty darn good.

I know that her anxiety level is higher than it has ever been in her life.  She is experiencing things on a daily basis that she never dreamed she would have to experience.  One of them is knowing that she may get evacuated because of the flooding that is going on in South Carolina.  I often wonder what she is doing to find peace on the days when her hormone levels are not the best?   I often wonder what it’s like to be a Sister Missionary when you are on your period and feel so exhausted you can barely move?   I often wonder what it’s like for her not to be able to watch a movie, kiss a boy or go to the beach?  She is sacrificing so much for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I don’t know what it’s like to serve a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  However, I can only imagine how hard it must truly be.

Today is am truly grateful that she is safe as far as I know.  I know that as her earthly mother I can only support her, sustain her, love her,  write her constantly, send her packages and most of all pray for her.

I think that I have to realize that there will be days when fear will take over and faith will be shaken.   But for now, I thank my Heavenly Father and my Savior that today I felt enough peace to be able express my feelings as a missionary mom who is weak and often burdened down with things that I really can’t control.  To be a mother of a missionary is a hard calling.  It is a sacrifice that some days I am not very good at.  However; I do know that there will a day when I will thank my Savior for this opportunity, but at the moment it is a difficult journey for me.

My daughter is the first female in the world who is a part of me, the second, being my beautiful granddaughter Sydney.    She is my only daughter, and having her so far away has taken a part of my soul that has caused me to reflect deeply on how much I really do need to increase my faith.  Having Kailee has helped me to be a better person.  Raising her has refined me in a way that I never dreamed possible.  A son’s a son until he marries his wife, but a daughter is a daughter all of your life.  I don’t really like this quote.  I think it’s because I have 4 sons that I love deeply also.    I just think the quote should go something like this:  A son is a son all of your life, but a daughter is the person who will become someone else’s wife.  If we raise them right, then a son will be a better husband and a daughter will be a better wife, because two people fell in love and gave them life.

I can’t wait until next Monday because I have a feeling that something good is really going to happen   There are also some days that you thank your Heavenly Father and your Savior for  just the ability to breath.    Yesterday was one of those days.  My motto for life is to go to bed at night knowing that I did not hurt anyone,  and I did the best I could to please God.  I’m hoping today will be one of those days.

Love Wing 2

MOM

Sept. 26th

My daughter Kailee has been in Pinehurst , North Carolina for seven weeks now.  I am learning to find peace in her letters, comfort in the fact that she is on the Lord’s errand and most of all knowing that she truly does feel she is supposed to be serving a mission at this particular time in her life.

Each week her letters are filled with these amazing experiences she is having  and we are starting to get to know all the people she and her companion have grown to love and cherish.

I think we tend to get attached to the first person we try to help.  This particular mans’ name is Robert.  He is african american and probably about 52 years of age.  He is very large in weight and stature and has melted my daughter’s heart.    I knew she would love the african american people,  just as I do.  I grew up in Las Vegas , Nevada and they were EVERYWHERE.  There was no difference in color in my High School.  We considered all of the african american students as being like us.  They were a different color, they liked spicy food and I loved the way they talked.   Their hearts were the same as ours, and I just loved to be with them.

Where we live in Alpine, UT,  African American people are the minority.    I think she is loving the diversity she is experiencing and really learning to embrace their culture.  She has grown to love Robert and is praying that he will change his life and be baptized.  However, the chances of this happening are pretty slim.  Since he is the first person she challenged to be baptized, he will always have a special place in her heart.

Her next investigators are both blind and living together but they are just friends.   They are both 35 and have fallen in love with my daughter and her sweet companion Sister Dearden.  This conversion story has just torn at my heart-strings like nothing I have ever experienced.

I have realized that each week after I receive a letter from Sister Hogge, I am a better person than I was the day before.  I believe in angels,  and I believe that two angels together are definitely better than one.  Kailee has been blessed with an angel companion and the two of them together have many lives to change.  God bless her on her journey and may many hearts be changed or at least softened after they spend a day with Sister Hogge and Sister Dearden.

All My Love,

Wing 2, MOM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9/3/2016
It’s been 3 1/2 weeks since Kailee left on her mission.  I have learned to love on a deeper level these past few weeks.  I believe that when one door closes another one opens. Sometimes the door is not the same and sometimes it’s a different door all together, but doors do open and doors do close , and sometimes we have to just keep looking for the right door to open again.
About 3 days after Kailee left, I met Emi. She melted my heart in a way that no one has quite done before.
I am a private swim teacher and Emi is one of my students. She is 12 years old and has some limitations physically and mentally. However, she is a free spirit in the water and she has taught me so much in the short time I have known her.
The water has a freedom and a beauty to it that nothing else can quite capture. Water frees us from our limitations on land and brings us in touch with who we truly are. To watch Emi on the water is like watching a bird take flight.
Meeting Emi has made me want to be a better person and has helped me to soften the hole that is in my heart as I told my angel Kailee goodbye.
I believe the Lord has great things in store for Emi. I am just grateful that I am able to be a part of her life.
The water is a creation of God and to see Emi move so freely in the water brings peace to my soul.

THE ELEPHANT

Monday August 15th,

     I woke up this morning and I felt a stillness around me.  I felt the beginning of a new day, the hope of a better tomorrow and peace knowing that God does love me.

     My angel Kailee has been gone for five days now.  I feel like I’m walking in a fog and some days it’s hard to see clearly.  Everywhere I look I see her face.

      Some Angel’s talk more than others.  My angel was a quiet angel.  She was like a cat and she loved to curl up in a ball underneath the window and tweet all of her friends.
She was always there.  Her presence grounded me and gave me a hope that there is so much goodness in the world.
After I was fully awake this morning, a grey stuffed elephant was staring back at me. This elephant is a symbol of my love for Kailee.  She loves elephants!  They were everywhere in her room, in her head and in her heart. Elephants make Kailee feel safe and happy.
Elephants form deep family bonds and live in tight groups.  The herd is led by the oldest and often largest female called a matriarch. When the calf is born,  it is raised and protected by the whole matriarchal herd.
Kailee has many elephants watching over her and protecting her.  The elephant signifies power and strength.
Although my angel weighs no more than 115 lbs her strength is like an elephant.
They say good things come in small packages and the strength from within far surpasses our strength from outside.
May the strength of the elephant take her to an unknown place, unfamiliar to her body but very close to her heart❤️
Love ,  Wing 2