Silence

Jan 24, 2017

I have realized over the last couple of months how much silence is a part of my life.  I’m not one that likes a lot of noise,  but I love to listen to music, hear a creek running in the background and I  bask in the laughter of children.

The last few months have brought silence to a higher level for me.  I believe that through silence we find our true selves.

My husband is working in Frisco, Texas and I am in Utah.  I don’t know how this really happened, but it just did.

I am learning to be with myself more than I ever dreamed possible and realizing that I’m not always that fun unless I am with someone.

I am normally a people person and thrive on being with others.  However, the last 2 months have been some of the lonliest in my entire life.  I see his face wherever I go,   His smile warms me and having him hold me is like going to Paris 1,000 times.

Words cannot describe how much I miss him and how incredibly dependent I am on just having him present in my life.

He is my husband, my best friend, my lover and my eternal companion.  He’s a part of me.  I feel like I lost a limb the day he took this job.  I keep looking for the lost limb, pretending it is still there, but it’s gone.  I was dealt a deck of cards that I don’t want and I suspect it is going to take me a while to accept that.  I keep looking for the same deck I had a few months ago, however, that deck is gone.  I just keep looking at the new deck hoping that it’s a bad dream.  But my deck has changed and I have to find the courage to accept the new deck.

I may have to look at one card at a time, because if I try to embrace the entire deck, my heart stops beating and I am paralyzed with fear.

I pray for strength, for conviction, for protection and guidance during this very difficult time.

He is always on my mind, in my heart and forever the person I rely on the most.  I pray that this job will end soon and he will be by my side, especially during those moments when breathing sometimes seems impossible.

He is the father of my children, the protecter of our home and the person who makes me feel whole.

Author: lisahogge

I am mother of five, a grandmother of 2, a wife, a swim teacher, yoga teacher and friend to all. I love warm baths, hot yoga, mountain runs and I pretty much exist on diet coke. I love to be around people, travel and eat at fancy restaurants. However, my favorite thing to do is to just be with my family.

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