<3 Heart Strings <3

My first memories of becoming a mom were Tylers yellow terry cloth pajamas that had a little embroidered patch of Winnie The Poo in the right hand corner. We did not have a lot of money back then so these little yellow Jammies were pretty special to me.

My desire to become a mom at age 24 was very strong, however; my knowledge of the true impact a mother has on her child became stronger with every pregnancy, and with every pregnancy I became closer to God.

I always felt this deep connection to God when I was carrying Tyler and I knew that he was going to be an incredible young man.

I’m not sure I still understand the impact that having an 8 lb lb 7 oz baby boy who was 22 1/2 inches long would have on my life.

Tyler has always been such a source of strength for me and he was born scoring straight 10’s on the abgar chart and he was indeed a beautiful healthy baby boy.

About 3 1/2 months ago Tyler was at a baseball game in Cincinnati Ohio with my husband Daren, his best friend Colby Green, my second oldest son Austin and Dylan who is my third oldest son who also has a twin brother named Blake.

Blake is not as big of a baseball fan as the rest of the family and he also owns his own Wedding Photography Business so his summers are very busy. He was the only one of my sons who did not go on this party guys trip and he stayed home with his partner Trystan, probably eating really good food and hopefully taking breaks from editing all the beautiful pictures he takes. It’s a demanding job trying to make brides and grooms happy during his busiest season of the year.

On June 27th at approximately 1:00 p.m. this entire baseball crew went to lunch. A few minutes after everyone sat down to eat, Tyler started choking on a chicken wing. I wasn’t there to witness this moment, but according to what Daren told me, it was pretty much downhill from there.

Daren found out that day that Tyler has a tight esophagus which causes food to get caught easily, especially chicken and steak, which seem to be the worst types of food because of the dryness and texture of the meat.

Apparently Tyler has been dealing with this problem for quite a while. None of of us had any idea this was going on and unfortunately this particular incident was the worst one he had ever experienced.

They all left the restaurant quite concerned and since they were traveling I’m sure everyone’s anxiety was quite high.

When they arrived at the ballpark Tyler choose to sit away from everyone hoping that the chicken would pass quickly so he could enjoy the game.

Unfortunately this was not the case and Tyler spent the remainder of the game forcing himself to throw-up which usually caused the blockage to pass.

However, this never happened and Tyler was in a pretty bad state by the time the game was over. Daren ended up taking him to the Emergency Room. They gave Tyler something to relax his esophagus and everyone was finally able to relax a little bit.

The Dr told him that he needed to go see an ear nose and throat specialist to get his throat stretched when he returned home to Utah.

After I received the watered down version from Daren about what happened in Cincinnati I immediately called Tyler. He promised me he would get his throat stretched because the experience had shook him up and he knew that he needed to be pro-active.

Right after he had his procedure done Tyler left with his little family to Yellowstone.

Not long after he was there he started to have flu like symptoms, he was having a very difficult time breathing and he was running a very high fever.

When they returned home to Utah he was extremely ill and Laura immediately took him to the Emergency Room at American Fork Hospital. He was admitted immediately and diagnosed with pneumonia, he had developed a huge abscess on his left lung, and was also diagnosed septic ( which means that he had an infection that was so serious and it had entered into his bloodstream) If this infection is not treated properly and aggressively, you can die.

After a few days in the hospital it was confirmed that when Tyler was in Cincinnati and was throwing up at the baseball game the pressure from violently trying to get the chicken to pass caused a small tare in Tyler’s lung causing a serious infection to build up. He was also diagnosed with Aspiration which means that something had built up in his lungs after he had thrown/up several times.

This journey for me personally was extremely stressful, my anxiety was through the roof and watching your oldest child suffer so much was incredibly difficult for me.

Tyler was sent home on a six week anti/biotic treatment and very high doses of oxicotton.

My motherly instincts knew that Tyler was in grave danger. Every time I visited him in his home I knew that something was seriously wrong.

After several days of Tyler not getting better and barely being able to get up and go to the bathroom or not being able to go up or down stairs I knew that he was not getting better.

With the knowledge of a loving and caring Dr who lives across the street from Tyler, a very in/tune wife, in/laws who were so attentive and helpful, lots of fasting and prayers from families, friends and ward members, Tyler was rushed to Utah valley Hospital and immediately was admitted and within hours had emergency surgery that saved his life.

We were told that if he would have waited much longer the infection would have spread too much and Tyler would not have made it through the night. Miracles are all around us and this particular night many miracles took place.

I honestly have never been so scared and felt so extremely helpless. I have experienced loss on so many levels. My oldest brother died from suicide when I was seventeen, this incident alone changed me so much that most of my adult years have been spent wondering where he is, asking God Why this, but most importantly knowing that because of this experience I have become a better person.

During the past four years I have lost my father, my mother, my second oldest brother to pancreatic cancer, my daughter Kailee delivered a baby six weeks pre/mature, she could of died and so could the baby (they are both thriving) another miracle.

Daren’s dad also died last March from complications of diabetes and shingles. Two weeks prior to Daren’s dad death, Laura lost her youngest brother Doug from severe mental heath challenges (schizophrenia and bi/polar disorder). He also took his own life at the young age of 34.

The thought of losing my oldest son who has a beautiful wife and four incredible children was beyond my comprehension.

Those “Winnie The Poo” pajamas have definitely come to mind during these past few months. They are a symbol of my unwavering love for my first born son.

I think of Mary and Joseph and what they went through to bring Jesus to the earth.

She was a virgin and Joseph took her as his wife. It’s beyond my mortal comprehension how Joseph could be so good and Mary so “chosen”.

Tyler is my first born son, he was in my womb for nine months. We shared the same umbilical cord and I read a lot of books to him while I was carrying Him.

I hope “Winnie The Poo” was one of them because he is the epitome of kindness, friendship, laugher and He’s an all around good dude.

Goodness, kindness, long suffering, patience and laughter are all His qualities.

I hope that that some of these qualities are instilled in my oldest son, because when “Winnie The Poo” did not know what to do, he called on his fiends to help.

Tyler was sent to the earth for many reasons, he has so many things left to do.

There is that subtle reminder to me as his mom that we have to “Be Still” to know that we really know what God wants us to do.

Winnie the Poo knew how to be still and by being still we can feel the “Holy Ghost” in our lives.

As the song writer Christopher Cross put it so eloquently,

So help me if you can, I’ve got to get
Back to the house at Pooh Corner by one.

You’d be surprised, there’s so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive,
Chase all the clouds from the sky.

Back to the days of Tyler and Laura, a temple marriage, four beautiful children and a house with an office upstairs so Tyler can find the book “Winnie The Poo” and know that he has an earthly mom who loves him with every fiber of her being.

My wish for Tyler is that he will always know that yellow is one of my favorite colors and reading books to him when he was a young boy will indeed be one of my favorite memories of being his mom.

On Tuesday while I was teaching a five year old boy named Jett how to float I told him that I was going to play the “LET GO COME BACK GAME”. I use this concept a lot when I’m teaching young children how to float.

It usually works and helps develop trust between the teacher and the child. But with Jett this was not working and he started to panic a bit,

His sweet mom who I have gotten to know really well said tell him to “Go Away” and then “Come Back”. I listened to her and it worked.

I wasn’t quite sure what the difference was but the young girl who is training with me said that she learned this concept watching “Bluey’”

After swimming lessons were over I thought about this principle a lot during the day.

The difference between going away and coming back vs letting go and coming back.

Letting go means you want personal freedom and to let go of is to free yourself, but sometimes we don’t know how to begin the process. We want peace and tranquility and we know letting go is one avenue to get there.

When you truly understand letting go, you truly do “let it go” and you don’t revisit it again.

When you tell a child to let go, in their mind it may mean that you’re not coming back,

If I teach a child to let go while floating, they may think I’m actually not coming back which can cause them to get even more anxious.

If you say “go away” especially for just a minute, they know you’re coming back because going away usually only means for a period of time.

“When your teaching a child to float, you want them to trust you and know that you will be coming back”

I learned so much from this experience and it also helped me understand the eternal principle of death even more.

Our loved ones did not let go of us when they crossed the veil, they went away for a while and it’s our mortal journey that teaches us that there is a heaven and that it is incredibly beautiful there and we will see our loved ones again.

It’s not always about getting to heaven quickly, but enjoying the climb while we try to get to where we eventually want to be in this crazy, mixed up complicated world.

We really do want to find peace in the moment and to truly let go of what may be bringing us down.

In the animated T.V. Show “Bluey” there’s no learning this or that … just show ’em playing. The show was created to teach parents that the kids aren’t just mucking around. They’re learning to play, learning to share … and generally you can just put your feet up and let ’em do it.”

Children naturally play freely and joyfully. They assemble blocks, draw, dance, and run without worrying about rules, criticism, or the “right” way to do things. They are not constrained by fear of failure or judgment. Free play is the ultimate expression of a child’s natural curiosity and joy—an activity they instinctively choose because it fulfills their innate desire to explore, create, and connect. It’s a state of complete immersion in an activity during which the child experiences deep concentration, enjoyment, often leading to a sense of mastery.

I think one of the most beautiful things that I have learned this week at the swimming pool is the absolute beauty of watching a child “be a child” and knowing that we as adults sometimes let go of our childlike traits and forget that coming back to the beauty of being childlike, humble, submissive and embracing in the concept of “PLAY” is truly the essence of understanding who we want to be when we become true disciple of Jesus Christ.

“Water is the driving force of all nature” |~Leonardo De Vinci~

Water possesses a profound ability to both nurture and inspire. It comes as no surprise then that many great thinkers, artists, and scientists have reflected on the significance of how important water really is.

We can survive without many things but water is not one of them. It sustains us, keeps us hydrated and most importantly nourishes our bodies.

The average human adult body is made up of 50-60% water. Most healthy adults can’t sustain life longer than 3 days without consuming water.

• Water is the primary building block of cells.
• It acts as an insulator
• Water is needed to metabolize proteins and carbohydrates used as food
• It lubricates our joints
• Water insulates the brain, spinal cord, organs, and fetus. It acts as a shock absorber.

Beyond its physical significance, water also holds a deeper symbolic meaning – it is a source of life, a symbol of purification, and a reminder of our own resilience in the face of adversity.

I have been learning about water since I was about five years old. I learned to swim at about age four with some of the children in my Las Vegas neighborhood.

My swim teachers name was Mrs. Corbit and she wore a swim cap with symmetrical blue flowers all around it. The swimming suit she wore was turquoise blue, the same color as my dad’s incredible blue eyes.

I can’t really remember not liking the water, but I do remember that I was nervous until I knew how to swim all by myself.

Swimming was always easy for me, and once I understood that I had mastered the freestyle, the water has been one of my very best FRIENDS.

On the days when I needed strength from another person and they weren’t always there, I learned that swimming laps was one of the most therapeutic things I had ever experienced.

At age 17, I could swim a half a mile at the end of my shift as a lifeguard and still have energy to spare. Swimming became one of my passions.

Unfortunately, when I was a teenager I didn’t always wear a cap, so my blond hair took a beating and sometimes it even turned green.

I eventually learned how to swim correctly and not ruin my hair at the same time.

Through the 22 seasons of running “Float2Stroke Swim School” I have become A Master Swim teacher. I’ve developed a deep love and connection to the children I teach. I have been so empowered watching babies as young as six months old master floating on their first or second lesson.

I’ve seen 3 and 4 year olds have fear and trepidation at the beginning of a session that may concern an uneducated adult, but by the last week of lessons, a complete change occurs and you see miracles happen, confidence and self-esteem is created and then the actual love of swimming can definitely happen.

Water has several meanings to me personally, but knowing at the end of the summer that 90% of our students are at much better place than when they started, is the reason why Float2Stroke is still opening its doors to a handful of little people who could eventually change the world, one STROKE at a time.

Today is Sunday May 11th. It’s a beautiful sunny day and the third Mother’s Day without my mom to physically see and spend time with.

I still don’t think I’ve processed that she is gone from this early life, but what I do know is that she is the reason why I am the woman I am today.
I have never realized how much influence a Mother has on their children and how the love of a mother can change generations.

My mother’s name was Marion Sevy Turner. She was a gifted writer, a lover of good books, a firecracker 🧨, When she was supposed to keep quiet and be submissive, she stood her ground and nobody messed with her.
My mom and I butted heads from teenage years on into my adult years.
I struggled communicating with her. I learned how to get along with her, but sometimes that meant just staying away.
However, now that she is gone, my greatest regret is that I did not know her on a deeper level.

My mom was beautiful in so many ways. Her eyes were so green that sometimes you had to take a step back when you were looking at her because they were so exquisite

My mom was brilliantly smart and incredibly gifted as a writer and public speaker. She was a reader of good books and spent the majority of her free time reading everything she could get her hands on.

My mom’s greatest attribute was how much she loved my dad. He completed her, made her a better person and she was the love of his life.

My mom exemplified her love for my dad everyday. They were good for each other, they complimented each other and their love was undeniable REAL.

I miss my earthly mother everyday. I miss her smile, I miss her incredible sense of humor and I miss her example of always serving others.

I wish I could of created more memories with her and I know that because of my own struggles and insecurities, I tried to stay away from her on an emotional level because I didn’t want her to know how hard it was for me to be as loving as she was to my dad and that it wasn’t as easy and she always made it seem so simple.

Marriage has been very difficult for me. It’s been something that I have had to work at every day.

I have realized through the years that my weaknesses and short comings are starting to define me. I used to fight these weaknesses and hide them from everyone, but I honestly cannot do that anymore.

At age 63 I have realized that I’m trying to reinvent myself, understand who I really am and what my purpose actually is.

I definitely need to stop trying to please people and just let God prevail in my life.

My mom was complicated, hard to get to know and she had deep walls built around her from being raised by a very dominant mother and a calm, quiet brilliant father who struggled with chemical depression.
My mom also had chemical depression and after my oldest brother Stephan died she really tanked.

My dad stood up for her in every way shape
and form.

My mom was a pistol and when she started firing, it was hard to stop her.
I used to watch my dad just sit back and let her vent. He allowed her to say whatever she wanted to say and he protected her even if she was 100% wrong. He complimented her A Lot and loved her unconditionally.

My dad would just quielty let her do her thing and once she calmed down he was always her saving grace.
My dad loved her, cherished her, embraced her, and he served her constantly.

My greatest accomplishments, blessings and strengths have come from being a Mother myself.

Motherhood has been extremely difficult for me. I thought I was a good mother when my children were little, but as time has gone by I’m not so sure I really was.

Now that my children are adults, I know I cannot save them, discipline them or tell them what to do.

The only thing that seems to work is loving them where they’re at today, not judging them, and praying for them constantly to make good decisions in their lives

I’m having a really hard time understanding what my role is as a mother to adult children.

However, I know focusing on what they’re doing right, instead of pointing out their flaws is definitely God’s way.

I believe the greatest gift I can give my children is to love their father.

I have always loved Daren, but the way I show love to him is completely different than the way he shows love to me.

I also know that because my relationship with my mom was hard, I tend to struggle with close relationships with other adults especially women who are close to my age.

I’m not good at relationships with women and sometimes it really hurts deep down to the core of my EVERY BEING.

I think women are hard on each other and women are extremely HARD on me.

My greatest days have always been when I feel this deep love unwavering love from my husband.

He grounds me, helps me to see more clearly in a logical way.

He’s taught me to be tough, resilient and to be extremely independent.

My greatest desire in this mortal experience is to have a strong marriage.

Sometimes I feel like I do, other days I feel pretty beaten down because trying to make Daren happy can be very difficult.

The greatest gift I can give myself today is to forgive myself of past mistakes, try not to repeat those mistakes and work on becoming a better version of myself.

I’m constantly reevaluating who I really am and trying to understand who God really wants me to be.

I have kept this poem close to my heart since I was a teenager.

I believe that it truly states the kind of women that I am striving to be

“IF FOR GIRLS”

“If you can hear the whispering about you,
And never yield to deal in whispers, too;
If you can bravely smile when loved ones doubt you,
And never doubt, in turn, what loved ones do;
If you can keep a sweet and gentle spirit
In spite of fame or fortune, rank or place,
And though you win your goal or only near it,
Can win with poise and lose with equal grace;

If you can meet with Unbelief, believing,
And hallow in your heart a simple Creed,
If you can meet Deception, undeceiving,
And learn to look to God for all you need;
If you can be what girls should be to mothers:
Chums in joy and comrades in distress,
And be unto others as you’d have the others
Be unto you – No more, and yet no less;

If you can keep within your heart the power
To say that firm, unconquerable “No”;
If you can brave a present shadowed hour,
Rather than yield to build a future woe;
If you can love, yet not let loving master,
But keep yourself within your own self’s clasp,
And not let dreaming lead you to disaster,
Nor pity’s fascination loose your grasp;

If you can lock your heart on confidences,
Nor ever needlessly in turn confide;
If you can put behind you all pretenses
Of mock humility or foolish pride:
If you can keep the simple, homely virtue
Of walking right with God – then have no fear
That anything in all the world can hurt you-
And – which is more – you’ll be a Woman, dear.’

I had this feeling in the middle of the night to write about the spiritual aspects of carrying a back pack.

I learned this analogy many years ago when I was teaching water aerobics at the local gym.

One of my students who worked with Alzheimer’s patients was telling me the schedule she carried everyday. It was physically and emotionally grueling to her to care for these patients and my heart ached for her when she told me her schedule.

I asked her how she goes to these patients homes without feeling sad or burdened by this incredible hardship that they carry?

She told me that she takes a pretend backpack with her. When their session is over she takes the burden out of her backpack and then she goes to the next client.

After each patient she sees, she leaves the burden with them and knows that she can’t carry their burden, but she can lighten their load.

I loved this analogy and know that I too cannot carry everyone’s burdens. I can’t save anyone but myself and some days I can barely do that.

I thought about all the things that I want to go in my back pack every day. The beautiful things that help me to become a better person.

I try to pray every morning, I read a few verses from the BOM when I can, I meditate and have done YOGA a lot since my second oldest brother died last March from pancreatic cancer.

Exercise is a no brainer for me and I notice a huge difference in my day when I choose to exercise.

On the good days I look out my bedroom window and am in awe of how truly beautiful it is in Alpine Utah,

( I try to clean out one drawer everyday ) but this is extremely hard for me and something I need to work on.

Carrying a backpack is similar to carrying our burdens, hopes, dreams, and lessons.

It holds the necessities and tools that sustain us on our journey through life, implying the need for preparedness and self-assurance.

My husband Daren had been carrying this huge black bag for years to work. He stuffs everything you can possibly find in it and then some.

I carried it for him the other day and I almost passed out because it was SO HEAVY.

The lighter the burden the easier it is to progress. There’s a lot of emotional and physical baggage that we hold onto that does nothing but bring us down, it’s not necessary to hold onto to it and the term “LET IT GO” does really mean letting it go.

Mathew 11: 28-30

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

This spiritual lessons of life seem to sustain me when the physical and mortal journey becomes extremely difficult

This past week I have thought about who I really am and the person I hope to be five years from now.

I’m not going to lie:

The future scares me, aging intimidates me, retirement doesn’t look fun at all and change is so inevitable but frightens me to the core of my very being.

I am often trapped in this whirlwind of emotion of who is going to die next and then I forget that I truly am a daughter of God with a divine purpose, and it doesn’t compliment me to worry about things that I absolutely have no control over.

I used to be that woman or (girl) as I still consider myself to be, who really didn’t care what people thought or said behind my back, but if truth were told, and I am a truth seeker, I care deeply how people perceive me.

I’ve decided that this year that I am going to step out of my comfort zone a little more each day, ask more caring questions to people who are struggling and listen more intently rather than hear my own self speak.

I’m working on holding still longer, forgiving quicker and embracing even the smallest moments of peace that do come more often than I want to admit.

I want to find moments when serving someone else is the most important decision I make each day, and trying to be the best version of myself, even when I’m just not feeling in complete oneness with me that day.

I hope to truly embrace the life of another person, even if it’s just for a small moment.

To be real, vulnerable and completely honest about how hard it is some days for me to just put one foot in front in front of the other.

I want to be a truly beautiful person and definitely not just a beautiful person.

While beautiful people strive to look like the model on the magazine, truly beautiful people strive for individuality. What makes you truly beautiful is not how you conform to the ideas of the world, but how you make the world conform to your ideas and your beautiful mind. I’ve always been told that a beautiful mind is a terrible thing to waist and I know that I do have a beautiful mind. I know this so much that I often wonder if God truly does know my desire to teach people some of the things that I do truly know to be true, the things that have saved my soul and the longing that I have to feel safe enough to tell my story with complete clarity, confidence and poise and know that possibly other women and even some men, will be drawn to me, not because I have beautiful green eyes or legs that are endlessly long, but because I have common sense, I understand the why behind a business model and I am a no nonsense kind of girl when it comes to liking a product, marketing a product and of course the end result is selling a product that absolutely has to start with selling YOUSELF.

I definitely am a square peg in a round hole, but that’s ok, because standing up for what I believe in is more beautiful to me than standing in a line of fence sitters who are too afraid to jump the fence, climb under the fence, or possibly just tear the entire fence down to build a more concrete, realistic, faith promoting fence.

I want to teach people to spread their wings and open their gates to endless possibilities.

With an end result of building a fence that brings people into the field, instead of blocking their vision of what truly matters in life with unrealistic goals, myths that aren’t doctrine, and having the courage to look outside their fence, knowing that the grass behind it also needs to be mowed, nourished and watered to stay green.

The most beautiful lesson from truly beautiful people is knowing that green grass alone cannot keep stray dogs from leaving their marks, it certainly won’t help you win the Pulitzer Prize or get you more followers on social media and it definitely won’t keep the deer from grazing late at night when they think no ones watching.

The truth of the matter is: grass will grow back, beauty is fleeting and trophys just collect dust on a shelf.

However; the genuine love of one fellow man to another can turn an ordinary day into an extraordinary day, a grey sky to instant violet blue, and as Neil Armstrong put it so eloquently with his famous quote that will forever be my saving grace.

That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” With that being said I believe truly beautiful people are never forgotten.

I have a pretty strong feeling after watching the movie Apollo 13 several times, that Neil Armstrong definitely was a square peg in a round hole.

C.S. Lewis who is also a legend in his time was also a square peg in a round hole.

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

C.S. Lewis and Neil Armstrong are two of my favorite people. I love anything to do with the moon and I think astronauts have some of the most brilliant minds.

C..S Lewis’s writings are raw and emotionally beautiful and his description of Christlike love is the kind of love that true Christian’s seek for everyday.

“Supposing there was no intelligence behind the universe, no creative mind in that case, nobody designed my brain for the purpose of thinking. It is merely that when the atoms inside my skull happen, for physical or chemical reasons, to arrange themselves in a certain way, this gives me, as a by-product, the sensation I call thought. But, if so, how can I trust my own thinking to be true? It’s like upsetting a milk jug and hoping that the way it splashes itself will give you a map of London. But if I can’t trust my own thinking, of course I can’t trust the arguments leading to Atheism, and therefore have no reason to be an Atheist, or anything else. Unless I believe in God, I cannot believe in thought: so I can never use thought to disbelieve in God.”

On Wednesday October 30th I went to the Mount Timpanogos temple. My appointment was at 1:30 p.m. I was early which is very unusual for me. I felt this great peace sitting there for a few minutes.

I was feeling a calm, sweet assurance that I was in the right place at the right time.

After a few minutes, I looked up and saw an elderly lady who wasn’t feeling good. I felt so bad for her and I wanted to help her. I told one of the temple workers that I may have a protein bar in my purse and that I would go and look for it. They were so grateful.

Unfortunately when I went to find my locker, I realized that I did not have my key. I had left my key in the locker. I have a pretty scattered ADD brain and I was definitely stressed. There is this feeling of panic when you are in a public place and you can’t find your key. This feeling is so undeniably excruciating and I was trying to do something good. I had gotten there early, but everything, seemed to be going against me.

I saw a sister in the next row over and I asked her if she had ever done this before and forgotten where she had put something?

We both laughed and she shared a couple experiences with me where she had forgotten where she had parked. She said she wished she could help me look but she wouldn’t be able to leave her station.

I stayed calm and knew I would eventually find it.

I went over to the next row and still could not find my locker. I always put my black suitcase above my locker, so I thought it would be easy to find my locker, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought and I was starting to panic.

This kind sister gave me a pen and a notebook and told me that I would probably need to just start opening every locker that had a key in it and write the letter and number down on the ones that did not have a key.

This seemed so over-whelming especially for someone who has ADD and has been battling panic attacks for the last couple of weeks.

I started to feel anger creep in and I said to myself, why do these kind of things always happen to me? I try to go to the temple once a week because it is a goal I set a year ago. It’s been a constant in my life for many years and a blessing to me and my family. I really needed this day to go good. I tried to change my mindset and remain calm.

All of the sudden I looked up and I saw Holly Stucki standing there asking me if she could help. She is the wife of one of Daren’s old business clients back in the day when he used to work for Arthur Anderson. She works there on Wednesdays and she has always been so extremely kind to me.

I learned so much from this experience. First and foremost, don’t leave your key in your locker. Secondly, if you do, stay calm, and last but not least, stay present.

This experience made me think so much about life and how important it is to be prepared.

These elements of preparedness come from faith, obedience, persistence, determination and practicing over and over again the law of consecration.

The Lord is bound to help us when we do what he says, but if we expect him to help us when we don’t do our part, it becomes so much more difficult.

I have this incredible belief that heaven is the most beautiful place. In my Cinderella head I know there are butterflies, flowers, beautiful landscapes, water falls and definitely lots of rainbows.

However, we can’t get to heaven if we don’t have the right key. The word right is truly evidence of our obedience. We can have a lot of keys, they can even be good keys, but in order to unlock the gate to the celestial kingdom, we have to have the right key.

Over the past 3 years our family has had to experience a lot of loss. My kind father, our unforgettable mother, 4 little beautiful babies that never made it past two months, and our last and one of the most difficult losses was my home run hitting brother Russell.

I have become a different person these past few years. Home has become my sanctuary. I’ve listened to lots of music, found several songs that have reminded me of my eternal family and I listen to them often.

I’ve danced like I’ve never danced before in my entire life, embraced yoga on a higher level, and most importantly, on the good days, I have become closer to Christ.

Hopefully when I get to heaven, I won’t even need a key, because the door will be unlocked and Christ and all of my family will be waiting there for me. Unfortunately the way my week has gone, I definitely have a long way to go.

There is this saying about putting on the whole armor of God. I do believe this to be true. I have this body that I have worked so hard for. I try and exercise everyday and I’m constantly trying to make better food choices. I know I have good DNA and I inherited good genes from my parents. Consequently, taking care of the body is a lot of hard work. It takes desire, dedication, long suffering and strong will power to work/out and eat healthy.

I have realized the stronger my body becomes, the easier it is for me to withstand temptation, over-come my weaknesses and release bottled up emotions that seem to pull at my heart strings.

When something is locked and we can’t open it up, we feel frustrated, stuck, frightened and alone.

But when we can open up the door to someone’s heart, mend a quarrel, strengthen a relationship, our keys to happiness will be much easier to find.

Our heart is like a locker. It can stay closed and stuck in the same place. It can become rusty and tarnished if it’s not used properly.

Consequently, on the good days, many beautiful things can happen to our heart if the right person opens it and it receives the kind of care and attention that it deserves.

Our hearts can and forever remain locked, partially open, halfway open and on the really good days, open all the way.

It’s really up to us to know when to open up our hearts and when to carefully protect them, especially if that persons intentions are not sincere and Christlike.

I’m so grateful on this particular Wednesday that I knew someone at the temple and cared enough to help me find my key,

I tried to have my heart in the right place at the right time and to always remember that the more we can love and serve others, without expecting anything in return, the bigger and more beautiful our hearts will become.

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I believe that 24 hrs consists of living your life to the fullest from sunrise to sunset.

Today I spent the day in Washington D.C. with my husband Daren. It was a beautiful day because the sun never stopped shining, the wind blew just enough to make my hair look messy, but a sophisticated kind of messy.

I watched birds fly over my head while strong postured policemen rode around the local parks on white horses.

I did not feel pressure to get up at any certain time today, I was not asked to meet anyone or be someplace at any scheduled time. I lived today as if no one was watching and no one was keeping track of what I said or did.

The trolly and bus drivers had so much enthusiasm that you felt joy in their presence, There were pictures in museums of people and places who changed the world one day at a time.

I saw buildings that were older than any I’d ever seen, 1000’s of graves of soldiers who died for our country, children who had the day off from school to learn about the places these soldiers served and lived. I saw elderly people who walked around Arlington Cemetery with courage and faith.

I saw trees that were more beautiful than all the trees in Alpine put together. Red brick sidewalks that seemed to never end and the smell of lobster sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies on the corner of Washington Ave.

There was this feeling in the air that promoted honor, integrity, respect and humility. The people here are confident, self/assured, polite, well-educated and walked with a presence of dignity, courage and faith.

The Uber drivers were prompt, good communicators and also very kind and attentive to our needs.

I saw planes fly low over sacred places, birds who landed on the water like skilled water skiers who had practiced smooth landings for years. I became introduced to a city that seemed to be a walking encyclopedia that never went to sleep.

I learned to listen more, trust my gut instincts, have more patience in knowing that there really wasn’t t a time clock controlling where and what I did. There was no particular agenda to take over the beauty and spontaneity of the day.

I learned to be brave enough to eat late at night when normally I would be sleeping, to let myself sleep in until I actually woke up on my own, and give myself grace to lay in bed long enough to embrace the day instead of having apprehension.

There were lessons from Presidents from past and present…. Abraham Lincoln who was so incredibly honest. Everywhere you go in this incredible city, they honor him. I have always loved him and have felt a strong desire to learn as much as I can about him.

I was educated by our tour guide that his only son was buried in Arlington cemetery.

I was reminded that Thomas Jefferson brought the love of French fries, macaroni and cheese and popcorn to the United States, after a much anticipated trip to Paris, France.

I was also told time and time again how much the American people honored and respected President Ronald Regan and felt privileged to fly to and from an airport that he is named after.

I was educated in the diet of dignitary’s who often would eat chocolate covered bacon and drank a variety of spiced teas and hot drinks.

I also saw a sacred copy of the BOM that was placed safely in a glass case in the Washington Library, that remains one of the original 5,000 left from the original printing.

I was well informed on George Washington and googled his farewell address.

His words are repeated over and over again throughout the world on five important topics that are continually taught throughout history.

These five points have been remembered, retaught and quoted time and time again.

1. Use great speechwriters

2. Get right to the point 

3. Make sure you thank everyone

4. Unite Your Audience 

5. Offer thoughtful advice

The only thing I would add to this great information, would be if the mood fits the occasion, add music to your speech.

I definitely was captivated into this open encyclopedia of a city and can’t wait to come back again soon.

This beautiful monument of history truly inspired me and I felt the true American spirit to “Let Freedom Ring”. I also felt the essence of knowing “The sun never sets on freedom. It faces the sunrise”.

There is no such thing as THE PERFECT DAY, but if I could pick the perfect day this is what I would consider “A Perfect Day”.

Waking up in a really good mood and wanting to get out of bed. Feeling energized, full of optimism and wanting to go for a run.

Having a desire to talk to each one of my children, hoping Daren is having a good day too and wanting to see my dad again for just a few minutes.

Singing a song to the radio and not caring if anyone listens to me. Drawing a picture that I would actually want to hang on a wall and finishing a project in my scrapbook room.

Wearing yoga clothes all day, seeing a baby girl in the grocery store and wanting to stare at her eyes for hours.

Having a teenage boy smile at me, helping an elderly man cross the street, and eating soup at Kneaders after the busy lunch hour rush.

Buying a 48 oz “just Friends” at Sodalicious, checking out a book at the library that I actually will read, and taking flowers to a neighbor.

Cleaning my closet to perfection so that Daren actually would notice.

Having one of my children call me instead of me calling them. Playing tennis, pickleball or corn hole with Daren and actually winning.

Going to the lake and actually water skiing in open water without being afraid of falling,

Wearing the perfect swimming suit, getting the perfect tan with friends who love and admire me instead of trying to compete with me.

Having Daren bring me flowers and kiss me passionately in front of one of our children or even more perfectly (his parents)

Having a neighbor call and ask me if I’m doing ok and seeing if I want to go to lunch or walk our dogs together.

Reading the scriptures and having one particular vs stand out as if God was speaking directly to me.

Going to bed at night so exhausted and happy because I actually did have “The PERFECT Day”.