<3 Heart Strings <3

5/21/2017

Last Thursday I created a memory. I woke up at 6:00 am. and I thought about life for a while. I laid in my bed and wanted time to stand still. I thought about Austin and all the incredible things that he has done in his life, however, his greatest blessing is going to be his wife, Whitney.
I have tried to teach my boys that their wives are their greatest treasure. In marriage you become one with another human being. Marriage is a partnership with God. Marriage is never thinking your better than another person and it is always putting that persons needs before your own. Marriage is the greatest sacrifice a person will ever make. Marriage is believing that by loving another person, you become a better person.
Last Thursday morning Austin and Whitney were married. It was a beautiful day and I will never forget how I felt watching them kneel over an alter of God knowing that they
are sealed for time and all eternity.
It’s interesting how some people think that once their sealed, it’s all they have to do? Interestingly enough, it’s just the beginning of a journey of a lifetime.
Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Marriage is something that I am not very good at. Marriage has been hard for me.
However, if I were to look at the greatest day I ever had, my husband was with me. The worst day I have ever had, he was not there.
Wherever we go and whatever we try to become, doing it together is always the better way.
Whitney and Austin created a memory. They can create memories everyday for the rest of their lives. “If it is to be, it is up to me”. That is one of my favorite mottos. We get to choose the type of person we are going to be. Marriage is s choice. It is choosing to put the other persons needs before your own. It’s about love, sacrifice and devotion, and it is never about control.
Marriage is a partnership with God that creates a triangle. When that triangle is broken, air gets in and little holes start to develop. Once those holes get too big, it’s to hard to fix them.
It’s like a tire on a bike. When you get a hole in your tire, the only thing you can do is patch it. Once there’s too many holes in the tire, it wears out. The tire gives out and the bike can’t work anymore. Marriage is like a bike. If the holes get too big, they can’t get fixed. This is usually when the marriage starts to fall apart. Seperation takes place, and then eventually divorce will occur.
However, if the marriage is healthy, the bike will continue to work. The tires will get worn out, they may lose their tread and they may even get a flat. However, flats can be blown back up again, holes, however, never really go away. You can patch them, tape them, glue them and try to mend them, but the second the marriage has a problem, the hole opens up and the problem just becomes increasingly bigger.
I believe that Whitney and Austin have a strong bike. They’ve gone on lots of bike rides together and because of those bike rides, their journey is going to be full of beautiful memories to last a lifetime.
Last Thursday I danced with my son Austin for the first time. The song that we danced to was called “For The First Time” by Rod Stewart. I certainly hope it won’t be the last time I dance with Austin but I hope it’s the last time I ever dance with my single son. I want his marriage to last forever. Maybe the next time we dance together, there will be a little person in between us. Last Thursday I looked into his eyes and I knew that I had created something pretty special. Austin is my son. He is created in the image of his father, his earthly father is such an incredible part of his life, but he was created in his Heavenly Father’s image and with God as your creator, with parents who love and cherish you, and with Whitney as his eternal companion, there are endless possibilities for Austin to become the person God has always known he can be. Austin and Whitney have become one with God, and with God, nothing is impossible❤️

4/22/2017

Today when I woke up I realized that every thought, every word and every action I take, I am responsible for.

What kind of a person am I going to be today?  Where is my heart?  What is my purpose and what really matters about today?

My thoughts were of the little things.  The things that we think don’t think really matter, but they matter more than words can possibly express.

It’s the view outside your window, the sun ☀️ that comes out every day, even if we can’t always see it.   The rainbow 🌈 that reflects God’s message that rain does have a purpose, and the moon 🌙 that creates a stillness in the evening, that our day did matter.

I have been in Bronson,  Missouri with my husband this weekend.  I don’t get to see him everyday because he works in Frisco, Texas and I live in Utah.  Because of this separation, I have come to cherish the little things.  The things that most people take for granted, the things that become second nature, and the things that make an ordinary day an extraordinary day.

When I wake up in the morning and he is lying next to me, I am truly blessed.  When I can hold his hand when no ones watching, and when his left hand covers his face when he is sleeping,  I feel safe.

I believe in the simple things.  The 4-wheeler rides, the walks around the neighborhood,  the morning prayers that we try to have as much as possible, but most of all I believe in his smile that melts my heart when he is truly happy❤

When big things happen and your life changes tremendously, it’s the little things you cherish the most.

A phone call, a text, a kind word, a sticky note on the mirror, a single rose, a warm hug, and most of all his presence  that takes my breath away.

I often wonder if God keeps track of the little things?  Does he know that deep in each of our souls we long for connection.  We strive to be noticed, to be valued and to be understood.  However, I believe that God knows our hearts 💕 and doing his will, matters even more than the little things.

I believe that sometimes we get so caught up in the big things, that we forget to cherish the little things.  The things that keep us grounded, the things that give us hope, and the things that we really can’t completely understand in this life.

So for today, I hope to smell a flower, give someone a compliment,  listen to a friend and give a stranger a hug.

I believe that the little things you do today may be opening the door for the bigger things that create a brighter tomorrow.  The big things matter, but they matter most if we cherish the little things first.

The penny that we pick up off the sidewalk, the dandelion that your grandchildren bring you from your garden and the prayer that you say on a strangers behalf.

Because at the end of the day we really don’t have a lot of control over other people, we can’t change their actions, we can’t change their behavior and we can’t change the outcome.  But we can change our own actions, our own thoughts, our own behavior, and we can truly change the feelings in our hearts❤.

We get so caught up in winning the lottery, losing 30 lbs, and buying the million dollar home, that we forget to be grateful for the little things.    The penny we save, the dessert we pass up at dinner, and the picture that we cut out of Better Homes & Garden of our dream home are truly the little things that really do matter.

So for today, I will save my pennies, smile at the sun, and bask in the goodness of the stranger who gave me a dollar to pay for my Diet Coke because I left my wallet in the car.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I woke up and the first thought I had was how grateful I am for my husband.  In the LDS religion we believe in getting patriarchal blessings.  When I was 14, I received my patriachral blessing.  I didn’t know much about them because their was no one in my family who had ever had  one before.

when I received a copy of my blessing and read it, it changed my life.  I have read it 100’s of times and I go back and reflect on it often.  The incredible words that are in it have changed me and guided my life in ways that I never thought possible.

There is s sentence in my blessing  that says:  “your husband will be a fortunate individual because you will love him very much”.  It also states  that I will be very close to my children and I will be able to help them tremendously  all of their lives.  Today I am so grateful for how much I love my husband and how much my relationship with him affects all the other relationships in my life.

when I see my children, I am so incredibly grateful for the  goodness that is in them.  The goodness that comes from God, the goodness that comes from their father and the incredible love that I am able to give them because of the love that Daren gives me.  Marriage is not easy, it is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  However, when it is done right, it is a beautiful thing.

When two people join together  in a marriage they begin a journey that is not theirs alone anymore.  Each step they take, each decision they make and each path they cross becomes stronger or weaker depending on the direction they take.   Marriage is like climbing a ladder.  You can  climb up, climb down or stay on the same step.  Whatever direction you take makes a difference in that person’s life.  The most beautiful thing about marriage is when the steps are taken with God at the top of the ladder both partners have the same goal and faith, hope and love lead them to the top.

To be grateful is being able to see the beauty, love and goodness that surrounds you and embracing all of the moments in your life that truly are gifts from God.

 

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When I was a  little girl I used to dream that I wanted to be a professional singer. Little did I know that my family wasn’t very musical.  My mom doesn’t sing and doesn’t have a musical bone in her body.

However, my dad’s family has amazing vocal and performance skills.  My dad’s sisters used to perform and sing together and my grandma Turner played the ukulele and she also used to yodel.

I put all of my boys in violin lessons when they were young.  My daughter Kailee plays the harp and Blake and Tyler both have really good singing voices.  My husbands parents both used to sing in the ward choir and Daren’s mom had a really beautiful singing voice at one time.  I know she used to sing to him when he was little.  She loved Barbra Streisand and would sing her songs to him.  “The Way We Were” I believe was one of their favorite songs.

About six years ago I was put in a music calling in our ward.  This calling was the hardest thing I have ever been asked to do. It tested my faith on a level that I have never experienced.  However, I received a really strong promoting that I was susposed to accept the calling.  With God’s help , and a lot of faith and prayers on my behalf, I embraced the calling and ended up doing a really good job.  It changed me and made me want to become more musical.

My oldest son Tyler told me that the Lord qualifies people for their callings.  I do believe that was the case for me.  Ever since I’ve had this calling, my love for music has increased and I have tried to develop a desire to become more musically inclined.

I started taking voice lessons at the time I received the calling.   It was a stretch for me, but I was really reaching out of my comfort zone.  I did not stay with this voice teacher, because I knew she was not the right match  for me.  She did, however, teach me a lot, and her inspiration made me want to become a better singer.

In December, I found a new voice teacher. Her name is Katheryn.  I have grown to love her and trust her.  The only problem is my husband is working in Texas and she is in Utah.  I have been traveling back and forth from Texas to Utah during the past 3 month and taking lessons has been difficult.  I have felt this great need to still take lessons from her.  I can do a FaceTime lesson with her from Texas and I honestly think that I can make this work.

I don’t know why I am doing this, maybe it’s just to prove to myself that anything is possible.  I believe that a dream is a wish the heart makes ,and dreams sometimes do come true.

When Daren and I first met he used to play this song called “The Time Has Come”.  The chorus says, I’ve got this dream inside of me, and it knows no boundary, maybe it’s too big to satisfy, but I know now the time had come, to try.

So that’s what I’m doing, trying to fulfill a dream.  I’ve realized that my dreams are so completely different than my husbands dreams.  I just hope someday he will understand that even though we are married and are trying so hard to be one, my dreams are not the same as his dreams.  The things that make him happy are not the same things that make me happy.  However, because I love him, I am trying to support his dreams.  I pray that someday soon both of our dreams will come true and there will be moments where we both can truly understand the worth of both our souls is great in the eyes of God.

When words fail, music speaks.  Sometimes there are not enough words that can truly express how you feel, but a song can stir an emotion deep within our souls.  Music can change us and take us to a place that no one else has ever been🎶

April 8, 2017

I have often wondered what the word separation means?  If you look it up in a dictionary it states:  The act or process of moving apart or forcing something apart.  The separation of continents from a single landmass; the separation of railroad cars from a train, the separation of two people who truly love each other but are apart for a season.

For reasons that I still don’t quite fully understand, my husband, the father of my children, the person who has wisdom, and knowledge in areas that I can’t even comprehend is running a company in Frisco, Texas.

My husband is a businessman, a numbers guy, and a financial genesis.  Numbers go through his head like the sands of an hour glass.  I on the other hand think about music, fashion, romance, flowers, birds and mostly just being with him.  I am a true romantic and everything that makes me happy has to do with love, tenderness and compassion for other human beings.   I love on a level that far surpasses even my own understanding.

He thinks about financial security, stock, companies going public, the mortgage, bills, car insurance, medical bills and 401k’s and maybe retiring someday.

However, once in a while I see him basking in the sunlight, holding his granddaughter tight, and looking at me with his blue eyes that seem to pull me into mements  of incredible peace.

I believe that marriage is one of the hardest things that we are ever asked to do, but when done right, it is the greatest blessing in our life.

The act of becoming one with another human being gives us fortitude, strength, and a deep understanding of God’s love for us.

Over the past 4 and a half months, I have had to learn to trust God on a level that I wasn’t ready for.  I have had to believe that he knows what is best for me and that in the end, it will all be ok.

The one thing that I do know for sure is that each day I am away from my husband there is an aching deep in my soul.  A longing for my other half, my soul mate and my eternal companion.

They say that woman are angels and when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly, on a broomstick we’re flexible like that.

However, flying with a broomstick is hard because brooms are stiff, and straight and and kind of a matter of fact.  When an angel has two wings working at maximum capacity, it is like flying over the ocean like an eagle in search of it’s heavenly home.

In order for me to function at full capacity, at an ultimate speed, and reaching my full potential, I need to feel safe and secure in the arms of the man that I choose to marry in the house of the Lord so many, many, years ago.

There is a song called “Back For Good”  I want my husband back for good.  In the twist of separation, you excelled at being free, can’t you find a little room inside for me.  And we’ll be together, this time is forever.  We’ll be fighting, yes forever we will be, so complete in our love, we will never be uncovered again.  Want you back for good, just tell me the song and I’ll sing it, You’ll be right and understood.  Want you back, want you back for good.  I guess now it’s time that you can come back for good.

February 25, 2017

Today we went to the beach with my grandchildren.  It was breezy, a little brisk, a little windy, but certainly a beach day.

The sky was blue, the sun was partially out and the water pressed the shores of the ocean like music to my soul.

There is music in the sounds at the beach.  The air you breath, the sand on your feet and the tiny sea shells that represent the outer covering of something that used to be alive.

The beach calls my name  more than any other place on earth.  The water calms me, the ocean amazes me and the majesty of God’s creations are everywhere around you.

To me the beach signifies hope, birth, life at it fullest measure and infinate  beauty everywhere you look.

The beach uses your senses like no other place on earth.  The sand on your feet, the salt in the water, the smell of the ocean air, the sounds of the rushing water and the majesty of the waves crushing high into the shore all make your experience even more magical.

The beach represents freedom, youth, adventure and the hope for a better tomorrow.

To watch a child play on the beach tells a story in itself, to see them laugh, imagine and explore the majestic scenery is a sight to behold.

Today I made a memory.  Today my granddaughter held my hand.  Today her grandpa carried her over rocks, pebbles and huge mud pools.  She laughed, she processed,  and she became more enlightened in her beautiful surroundings.

My grandson ate rocks, slid down muddy slopes and ran into unfamiliar places.  He chased his dreams and ate string cheese, a part of a banana and teddy grams.  He smiled at his grandpa, laughed at me and he just looked like something out of a picture book.

Today I got a gimpse of what worlds without end really means.  There are endless possibilites.  This world is a beautiful place, and we just have to hold on and enjoy the ride.  One glorious moment at a time.

When I was a little girl I used to dream that I wanted to be a famous singer when I grew up.  My mom has no musical background and she is tone deaf.  The chances of me becoming a professional singer were pretty slim.  However, my dad’s sisters used to sing and perform together when they were young.  Also, my grandma Turner loved to sing and play the ukulele.  I am more like my dad than my mom, so I continue to have hope for my musical aspirations.

My music lessons consisted of one year of flute in the fifth grade band and one year of piano lessons as a teenager.  I have always found it fascinating that I love music as much as I do, even though my background was weak.

When my boys  were little they all played the violin.   Kailee, my only girl, learned to play the harp at the age of eight.  When she plays her harp, I feel incredible peace and know that heaven must be full of angels playing their harps at the entrance to heaven.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day.  A day to promote love and goodness.  Yesterday more love songs were played than any other day, yesterday was a day of romance for so many people.  I believe in Valentine’s Day.   My father taught me that on Valentine’s Day your heart beats a little stronger.  He always did the coolest things for my mom. He bought her candy, flowers, took her to dinner and always gave her the coolest card.  One year when my mom was in her 80’s he bought her a gigantic card that filled up there entire living room.  My dad is a true romantic and always showed my mom the most incredible kind of love❤

About six years ago I was asked to be the chorister for our church.  It was completely out of my league and I protested A LOT.  However, after a lot of prayer and Temple trips, I accepted the calling.  It was my greatest challenge, but also taught me to be patient and rely on the Lord.  I grew to love the calling and found a voice inside of my head screaming to come out.

I started taking voice lessons at this time and found that I was being challenged on a level that I had never experienced before.  I started to enjoy singing and made some great strides.  However, after about 18 months with the same teacher I knew it was time to make a change.  It just wasn’t the right fit for me anymore.

Last December I found a new voice teacher.  Her name is Katheryn and she is kind, beautiful and makes feel good when I am in her presence.  When I am with her I want to be a better person.

My husband has been working in Frisco Texas for the last couple of months.  We have been going back and forth and my life has been in upheaval.  My only constant has been these voice lessons. The only peace I have truly had for three months is the days I sing with her.  I have decided to do FaceTime lessons with her when I am in Texas.  My first lesson is tomorrow.  I hope it goes well.

A dream is a wish the heart makes, when your fast asleep. “When words fail, music speaks”.  I believe that music is the universal language and to live in this temporal world without it, would be a tragedy.  Sometimes the only solace and peace I can ever find comes from a song that moves me.

My dream is to someday find a purpose in my singing and maybe even touch someone’s life by sharing the feelings that I hold deep in my heat.  There is power in the sound of music and with the Saviors hand involved sweet sound can always fill your soul🎶.

 

January 30th

I am sittin g on the couch in my sitting room in Alpine, Ut. I feel a stillness in my soul that I haven’t felt in a long time. I have come to realize that the sun, the mountains and the snow are all of God’s ingredients for perfection.

I didn’t used to like the snow. It used to be a nuisance to me. It takes longer to drive in it, it gets your car dirty, it’s cold and it’s an annoyance at times. Yet; now that I am well over middle age, it has become a thing of beauty to me. I don’t like foggy days, cloudy days, rainy days or invesion days. But when the sun shines on the snow it is a direct message to me from heaven that God is truly at the healm.

There is such an element of great majesty in all of God’s creations. I can only imagine what heaven must look like when I see the beauty of God’s hand in my little nest in Alpine, UT.

We do not always control what’s on the inside, yet what is outside of our safety net has a lot to do with how we feel on the inside.

Today the outside of my home is so beautiful that I want time to stop time at this very moment.  I feel God’s presence in my life in a way that I haven’t felt in a long, long time.  There is a picture of my family behind me and I honestly feel like they are all with me at this very second in time.

Maybe each one of them is reflecting on the goodness around them and that’s why I feel like we are together deep in the fibers of our soul.

Families are forever, it is the plan of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Even though my family is not with me physically at this very moment, I feel that each one of them hopefully knows how much they truly are a part of me.  They say that blood is thicker than water and it also leaves a deep purpleish red mark on every fiber of our being.  Water is clear and goes away, but the deep roots of family ties can never be replaced.

Jan 24, 2017

I have realized over the last couple of months how much silence is a part of my life.  I’m not one that likes a lot of noise,  but I love to listen to music, hear a creek running in the background and I  bask in the laughter of children.

The last few months have brought silence to a higher level for me.  I believe that through silence we find our true selves.

My husband is working in Frisco, Texas and I am in Utah.  I don’t know how this really happened, but it just did.

I am learning to be with myself more than I ever dreamed possible and realizing that I’m not always that fun unless I am with someone.

I am normally a people person and thrive on being with others.  However, the last 2 months have been some of the lonliest in my entire life.  I see his face wherever I go,   His smile warms me and having him hold me is like going to Paris 1,000 times.

Words cannot describe how much I miss him and how incredibly dependent I am on just having him present in my life.

He is my husband, my best friend, my lover and my eternal companion.  He’s a part of me.  I feel like I lost a limb the day he took this job.  I keep looking for the lost limb, pretending it is still there, but it’s gone.  I was dealt a deck of cards that I don’t want and I suspect it is going to take me a while to accept that.  I keep looking for the same deck I had a few months ago, however, that deck is gone.  I just keep looking at the new deck hoping that it’s a bad dream.  But my deck has changed and I have to find the courage to accept the new deck.

I may have to look at one card at a time, because if I try to embrace the entire deck, my heart stops beating and I am paralyzed with fear.

I pray for strength, for conviction, for protection and guidance during this very difficult time.

He is always on my mind, in my heart and forever the person I rely on the most.  I pray that this job will end soon and he will be by my side, especially during those moments when breathing sometimes seems impossible.

He is the father of my children, the protecter of our home and the person who makes me feel whole.

January 17th, 2017

Yesterday I was in Dallas Texas and my flight laid over in Minneoapolois, Minnesota.  My mind was engaged on seeing the mountains and feeling closer to home.  When I looked out the windows of my airplane I could see the snow capped mountains and I knew that home was close by.

I was born in Milford, Utah and we left there when I was one.  However, I was raised in Las Vegas, Nevada.   I have amazing memories from growing up there.  In fact, my friends from Vegas are the dearest ones to my heart.  I love Las Vegas because I learned to embrace life there.  I came back to Utah at age 17 and have found an incredible peace here that invelops my soul in a way I cannot describe.

My heart is woven to these mountains.  I see there Beauty and I am grounded with a purpose to be a better person.  I run on trails that give me hope and  I dream that heaven looks a little bit like Alpine.

When I see the mountains above my home,  I want to be a better person.  I have ran to so many places here that inspire me to try harder.  The people that live by me also ground me with purpose, hope and a desire to live a higher law.

Yesterday, when I went to the baggage claim I felt complete peace.  My neighbor Kofi Johnson was behind me and greeted me with a smile that was big enough to make me want to smile even more.  He had just returned from Africa and he had the look of Christ in his eyes.  He had been serving people and loving the people in Ghana for 3 weeks.  He needed a ride home and I was there at just the right moment.  Dylan said that was a sign I was supposed to be home.  I had to agree.

My prayer is that I will never have to sell this home.  My prayer is that every room that I enter will be filled with a memory of how much I loved being here.  I am so eternally grateful that I am a Utah girl from Vegas and that’s what I’ll always be.  As Dorothy says:  There’s no place like home❤