<3 Heart Strings <3

I have this obsession with wild flowers. My mom also loved wildflowers. However, I think my younger sister Aimee loves them the most.

I decided to do some research on a few of my favorite wild flowers and these are some fun facts that I have discovered.

The wind flower received its name from their graceful movement in the breeze which resembles a gentle dance. This particular windflower is also known as Piper’s anemone.

Black-Eyed Susans are another flower you can find in America that grow in fields and along roadsides that receive plenty of sunlight. These beautiful flowers have golden-yellow petals surrounding a dark brown center cone and can tolerate drought. This flower is the state flower for Maryland

The cardinal wildflower has a stunning display of bright red tubular blossoms and grows tall spikes with clustered flowers and lance-shaped leaves. These attractive plants are important sources of nectar for hummingbirds, which help in crucial pollination processes.

They like moisture and grow along stream banks and wetlands and are found mostly in the United states and Canada.

The Butterfly weed is a type of drought-tolerant perennial that has bright orange clusters of flowers. You may see these wildflowers in the eastern and central regions of the United States. They grow well in dry, open environments such as prairies and open woodlands.

The plant has narrow, lance-shaped leaves and is an important food source for Monarch caterpillars. Its nectar also attracts different pollinators, which helps to support biodiversity. 

The Common yarrow is a stunning flower that you’ll find growing in a range of environments, including meadows and by the sides of roads. This plant is known for its delicate, feather-like leaves and clusters of small, white or pastel-colored flowers.

It was also historically valued for its medicinal benefits, particularly in aiding with digestive issues. This tough plant can be found all over the United States and helps to enhance the natural beauty of the surrounding environment.

One of the wildflowers you can also find in the United States is called rose vervain. It can be recognized by its clusters of tubular pink to purple flowers and slender, toothed leaves. It thrives in open woodlands, meadows, and prairies, adding to the beauty of each region’s floral environment.

However, my favorite all time wildflower is the sunflower that you may see throughout most of the United States.

It’s often associated with happiness and warmth and has a captivating presence due to the large, radiant yellow petals that surround a dark brown central disk.

The last few weeks I have picked 3 bouquets of wildflowers and delivered them to friends and family. They have this incredible way of telling a story, reminding me that beauty isn’t fake or make-believe. The wild flower represents the courage to be unique, the power to stand alone, and the strength to continue to thrive under very difficult circumstances.

I do believe that wild flowers will permeate heaven and their never ending beauty will always leave you longing for more.

I have been going to Puffers Lake since I was six years old, I caught my first rainbow trout with my dad at this beautiful lake. The art of fishing was pierced deep in my soul the day I saw my dad’s face when I reeled that fish in.

My dad was a man of the mountains. He loved anything to do with the outdoors. Clyde was happiest with a fishing pole in his hand, my mom by his side, and a good John Wayne movie to watch. He enjoyed eating a steak dinner with dutch oven potatoes, a small amount of salad on a separate plate, next to my sister-in-laws famous baked beans.

He lived for late night jeep rides, looking for deer, and he would often pull over to the side of the road so my mom could pick a bouquet of wild flowers.

My dad created a legacy of love. He taught me that kindness is the best way. Families that get along always win the lottery, and being together every July 24 holiday was a special event to be cherished always.

He knew how to enjoy each day to the fullest, and he made friends wherever he went. Clyde always saw the silver living. He choose to drink from the cup that was always half full.

Relationships with people were the most important to him and money was very secondary.

We never went without material things, but his definition of rich was a Sunday night movie, eating buttered popcorn and creating

a safe haven for our family

When my dad passed away he truly wanted us to continue to be together every 24th of July.

This particular year( July 2024) was a new experience for all of us. It was the first time we would be together since my brother Russell passed away from pancreatic cancer in March of this year.

This reunion was very tender, very emotional and very thought provoking. For me, this reunion was SPECIAL.

Every year when the 24th of July rolls around, I anticipate all the planning, the dedication of family members who come sometimes under very difficult circumstances. Each year, especially since my parents have passed away, I consider it an honor and a privilege to be born into the family that I was born into. A family where love was spoken often in the most beautiful and quiet ways.

I have thought a lot about our fishing trip to Otter Creek this year. It’s a tradition that was started by my dad before he passed away in October of 2021.

My dad would usually be in a boat with my brother Russ and sometimes my sister’s family.

He was known for being the first one up that day having snacks prepared and hoping that the fish were biting. I’ve been told by several family members that my dad didn’t catch many fish when he went to Otter creek, but for some reason he always loved going there.

These otter creek trips became very competitive and there was a lot of pressure to catch the most and the especially the biggest fish.

I don’t always go to Otter creek every year but this particular year was very important to me.

I had this 6th sense or motherly instinct that something beautiful was going to happen.

As the boat left the dock and I looked at each one of my boys, my heart skipped a beat knowing that my dad was truly watching us from heaven and I knew he would sneak a few moments with us if our hearts were in the right place.

Sydney and Easton looked extremely happy on this early morning adventure and I felt this sense of excitement knowing that we were going to create a beautiful memory.

Daren got the first bite. It was a huge fish but according to my fisherman husband he did not set the fish right so it got away.

I wanted to catch a fish but my casting skills are not the best. Tyler kindly helped me cast my pole and within minutes I caught the first fish 🎣. Austin helped me set it and I reeled it in with complete JOY.

A brief time went by and we were wondering if we should move the boat. All of the sudden Sydney jumped out of her seat and saw she had a bite, but by the time she grabbed her pole the fish had pulled so hard that the pole landed in the water. The BIG FISH and the pole were both gone

We were all mystified and a little disappointed. However; fishing poles can be replaced and little girls can’t.

About 5 minutes passed by which seemed like an eternity. All of the sudden Austin and Trystan both shouted out at the exact same time that they had a bite.

It was extremely exciting and the adrenaline was high in the air.

They both started reeling in and when the fish got closer to the boat they realized that they both caught the same fish that Sydney had caught and it was still attached to her pole and their poles were both hooked on the pole that had gone overboard .

It was one of those rare moments when you think the impossible could never happen, BUT IT DID. Sydney caught the biggest fish of the day and saved grandpas fishing pole at the same time.

I sat on the seat of the boat and I just knew my dad was there. He was there when Daren said he’d never seen anything like this in all of his fishing adventures. Austin and Tyler were blown away with this incredible event and our family was so honored that Trystan was one of the fisherman who helped save the pole and the fish. However, the moment that I will remember the most is when Easton said with his beautiful smile and big brown eyes.

“I can’t wait to tell mom about this” that truly made my heart melt.

We are all fishers of men trying to bear one another’s burdens so that they may be light.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever look at fishing the same way again, but I know that the things that my father taught me during his 88 years of life on this earth can never be replaced or put a price tag on.

God can and frequently does penetrate our lives with these awesome experiences. He uses us to do it. He knows which “fish” are His; therefore, we are to seek His wisdom and His guidance on all our fishing expeditions.

July 24, 2024 will remain constant and immovable in my box of memories and a little handprint will remain on my heart wherever I see a fishing boat in Crystal blue open waters.

For some reason the word frozen came to my mind this morning. It has so many meanings I don’t even know where to start.

For the most part, the word has a lot of negative connotations. When a person is cold, they don’t function that well, their facial expressions become tight and there is a feeling of being closed off, untouchable and unapproachable.

However, the term being frozen in our tracks, can sometimes be beneficial if we do not know where to go next.

Being still in those moments when being frozen can save your life. If a wild bear or animal was following you, being frozen in a safe environment would probably be the best choice to make.

We freeze vegetables to preserve them. Women freeze their faces with botox injections to get rid of wrinkles. Some of us choose to freeze time, hoping that the one moment that we feel God’s love penetrating in our life will never go away and we want that moment to last forever. The term frozen in time can be very positive when we want to hold onto something that is dear to our hearts.

Frozen can be used in terms of not feeling something, being numb to the pain, not progressing in a way that brings light into our lives. It can also be a defense mechanism to protect us from physical pain, emotional trauma and letting go of past sins or mistakes.

The opposite of frozen is melted. Melted is to become unthawed, letting our guard down and becoming vulnerable to feelings and emotions that create an inner vessel and trying to break free of things we really have no control over.

Some days we stay frozen, we never come out of our hiding places and our bodies remain empty and shallow because the sun has refused to shine.

I have never liked winter much, I don’t like to be cold. I love to feel the sun on my face, take hot showers, go to as many hot yoga classes as I can possibly find time for. But most of all, I love to fill the warmth of someone’s smile who can light up the room by just being present.

I realized today how important it is to feel safe, loved and valued as a human being.

In Sunday School this morning I sat between two men. One man was our bishop, and the other man was my husband. I felt so empowered, so blessed and so LOVED being sandwiched in the middle of two great men.

I wanted to MELT🩵

I cannot believe how many people made me feel loved today. But for some reason, a part of me is still frozen, afraid to share what I’m really feeling, because of my desire to please the natural man. I also don’t want to offend God because I do know, and have always known how much he does love me.

Because of his love, I know my burdens, insecurities, weakness, and shortcomings will be erased. He knows everything about me and he still loves me.

It’s easy for me to talk with God and to feel close to him because his love never changes.

We are the ones that leave Him. He never leaves us, and he always loves us. Disobedience, sin, anxiety, pain, loneliness and depression can draw us away from him, but faith, hope, charity, and love ever ceasing, will always draw us closer to Him. We get to choose which emotion will govern us each and every day.

The natural man has a tendency to criticize, mock, put down or belittle us if we let them know our weaknesses. God does not do this to us, we do it to ourselves. Satan delights in self-loathing, pity, despair and fear. He rejoices in making us feel guilty, shameful and unworthy. All of these attributes are negative and can be very damaging to our inner vessels.

February is the month of showing love. It’s a time to be kinder, gentler and more accepting of others.

I think there is a purpose for winter, and being still and frozen in life can sometimes prepare us for what lies ahead.

I am coming full circle with winter and I do love the snow on the mountains, skiing on a sunny day, and eating chile in a warm lodge with great people sounds amazing to me.

Winter has a purpose, and being outdoors is a happy place for me.

I have decided that for today, I will think of the word frozen as safe, untouched and unbroken.

If time could stand still today, I would never get any older, my wrinkles would freeze and not become more visible to the naked eye, my eyes would be childlike like the picture Tyler sent to me of our two youngest grandsons.

I would feel peaceful, sing with perfect pitch and make a comment in church that would make people stop in their tracks because I actually am incredibly smart and understand pure doctrine.

My greatest desire has always been to please God, and sometimes in order to do that, we have to remain still and frozen because the time to unthaw may be in another place, another time and another opportunity.

Things sometimes left unsaid are safer, smarter and wiser than saying something that we can’t take back or erase.

Sometimes the spirt speaks the loudest, when we say nothing at all.

I know by the witnesses that I have received over and over again, that when the day comes that I get to meet the Savior physically for the first time, I hope that I am worthy enough to see his beautiful smile and his countenance will penetrate my every being. My greatest desire is that his eyes will be the windows to my soul, SPARKLING, but most importantly, I hope His open arms will embrace me with unconditional love, and I will truly know what MELTED actually means🤍.

I have come to realize that there is constant subject matter in the world we live in. We are surrounded by so much information. It’s all around us. If we can’t find the answer to something we google it.

This is the era of texting, emails, apps, social media, tic tocs, podcasts and the word influencer is in our vocabulary often.

An influencer is someone who you admire, someone you look up to and who hopefully makes you a better person.

I think it’s incredibly fascinating how instrumental other people can affect our lives.

On my good days, when I have searched through a good book, read uplifting information, searched for the silver lining and looked at the cup half full, are always my better days.

With that being said: I have also had those days when everything that could possibly go wrong, does indeed go WRONG.

You wake up late, can’t find the right outfit, exercise is gut wrenching hard, when it is usually your favorite thing to. Reading a scripture takes every mount of energy you have and you realize that some days are just painfully difficult.

These are the days when I turn to the subject that was always my favorite in grade school growing up, RECESS

Recess is the time to move the body, laugh with your friends and reconnect with nature.

When the bell would ring for recess, I would grab my pink 4-square ball that I bought with my blue chip stamps, and run out the door to to be the first one on the playground.

I would play 4 square with my sweet friends, and life was purely magical.

Once I was tired of 4 square, I would turn to tether ball, kickball, dodgeball and the ultimate thrill was playing on the silver rings that you could swing from like a monkey.

I love to move my body, to exercise, to connect ligament to ligament, muscle to muscle and feel the blood go to my head when I go upside down in a headstand in yoga.

There is always going to be a bill that needs to be paid, a weed to pull, a toilet to scrub and an unfinished project just weighing on our minds.

For me, the simple act of resetting our brain, cleansing the inner vessel, taking a moment to truly reflect on all of our blessings can truly be our saving grace.

I have always been in awe of little children. A human being so precious, so vulnerable, so ready to embrace good things. Holding a newborn baby is probably the closest anyone will ever be to touching the Saviors hand.

To be in the presence of a child, is indeed the closest we will ever be to God.

As adults, we need to be more childlike, meek, submissive, full of unconditional love and making sure that we always make time for RECESS.

A child at play can teach us more than any textbook, barcode, podcast or Instagram post.

Adults need to be more childlike, embrace in nature, and see the beauty of taking time to BE STILL.

Recess will always be my favorite subject, and learning to step away, clear your head and engage in meaningful conversations, is something we truly do have control of.

It’s in those moments to reflect, reset, remember, repent, and reminisce that positive tools for building lasting relationships our developed.

Not only in this life, but in the eternal bond that we should all be trying to create with our Heavenly Father, mother, brother( Jesus Christ) and inviting the Holy Ghost into our lives.

Ever since I was a little girl I have hated tuna fish. It didn’t matter how my mom fixed it, I always hated it. I disliked the smell, the texture, the color and ESPECIALLY THE TASTE.

About once a month my mom would make grilled tuna fish sandwich’s for dinner. I would come home from school and would immediately know my mom had made tuna fish. You could smell it through our entire home. Once my mom realized how much I truly disliked tuna, she started letting me make a toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I knew everything was going to be ok.

She never got mad at me for not liking tuna fish but she did try to cook it several different ways before she knew for sure that I was never going to like it.

I have learned so much about life because of my tuna fish experience. I still don’t like tuna fish and never eat it, but when it’s in sushi, I have come to appreciate that it does have a purpose, especially if the tuna has been cooked slightly.

I have discovered that if I would have known what sushi was as a little girl, I may have embraced it better, learned to like it , and may have required a taste for it. However; my tuna fish experience was not positive the first time.

The tuna fish my mom always made came from a can, sometimes it had oil in it and my mom usually mixed it with miracle whip, which made me even hate it more.

Miracle whip is also something I have never acquired a taste for. No matter how anyone tried to disguise it, I usually ended up figuring out that tuna was in there.

The first time I saw my husband he was teaching Sunday School with one of my good friends. He looked handsome in his grey suit and he was a good teacher. I was impressed because he gave a good first impression. First impressions matter, especially in relationships and business situations.

Our first experience with something has a way of shaping our opinions. First impressions matter, and it’s hard to change the way we perceive something, especially if the first experience is negative.

There is a pre/judgement that the natural man tends to give another person. It’s the first look, the eye contact, the way we communicate, it all really matters and makes a difference in how we associate with others.

I often wonder how the natural man gives the complete wrong first impression. Every one has bad days, every one deserves second changes, and sometimes when people have low self/ worth, they don’t hire someone or appreciate someone who is actually qualified or even better qualified than the person doing the hiring,

If CEO’s realized that hiring people who were better at things than they were, things would get done faster. Managers who are good managers, hire people who are really good at the things they’re not good at and trust that their employees actually do a better job than they do, which makes their job so much easier.

My entire life I have tried not to judge people, to give them second chances, to be kind to strangers, knowing that we have nothing in common and I’ll probably never see them again.

As an adult, I have learned that a lot of people perceive me as a tuna fish. They don’t like me instantly, they tend to not want to make eye contact with me and sometimes just the way a person looks at me, tells me instantly that they do not like me.

How can you really know you don’t like something if you never try it? How can you really dislike a person by a first impression, if you really don’t know them?

You can judge them, criticize them and even bully them, but how can you truly know if you can build a relationship with them if you don’t dig deeper into what’s in their soul.

I probably will never like mayonnaise or tuna fish out of a can, but I know I did taste it and smell it. My mom would even make tuna fish casserole, and I still did not like it.

I tried and tried to like it, but I never did.

This experience has taught me many important lessons, 1) You can’t truly say you like tuna fish if you’ve never tried it. 2). If the first experience or impression is bad, we tend to never try again 3) why do we always seem to think we know more about something or someone when we don’t have all the facts?

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to try harder to give people the benefit of the doubt.

To realize that each of us is a Child Of God created in His image. Every one deserves to be loved and we all deserve second chances.

I know it’s ok to not like tuna fish, but I don’t think it’s ok to say you don’t like something or someone if you haven’t given them a chance.

I know I’ll probably never like tuna fish, but I did try it in many different ways.

Abraham Lincoln is one of the greatest examples of someone who never gave up and I believe God had a purpose for him and because of that purpose he persevered. A lot of people judged him and did not like him. He had many personal losses and set/backs but he never gave up.

These are a few of the hardships he had to go through

• 1816: His family was forced out of their home. He had to work to support them.
• 1818: His mother died.
• 1831: Failed in business.
• 1832: Ran for state legislature – lost.
• 1832: Also lost his job – wanted to go to law school but couldn’t get in.
• 1833: Borrowed some money from a friend to begin a business and by the end of the year he was bankrupt. He spent the next 17 years of his life paying off this debt.
• 1834: Ran for state legislature again – won.
• 1835: Was engaged to be married, sweetheart died and his heart was broken.

So the next time you decide you don’t like something or someone, remember that not everything or everyone is like tuna fish out of a can. We have to look deeper, try harder and sometimes when the introduction is done right, we get the opportunity to try sushi at the right restaurant, at just the right time, and tuna becomes a whole new experience.

On April 9th 2023 my life changed in an instant. I had just landed in one of the most beautiful countries in the world and was going to see tulips on steroids in Amsterdam.

My mom passed away on February 3rd of this year. She was 89 and she had been through so much over the last year of her life. I saw her go through things that were so unfair and so incredibly difficult. I have come to love my mom in a way that I never thought possible and I miss her every day.

She always used to say “If You Don’t Toot Your Own Horn, No One Will”. She told me I was beautiful, and she always said I was going to do something really spiritual someday.

She was so REAL in how she looked at life. She said how she felt and didn’t mince words much. I loved that about her.

This trip to the Netherlands was supposed to be a healing trip for me, a girls trip, where I could just forget about life for a little while.

I love to listen to music and I had one cheap headphone in my ear… I was on an electric bike that I had rented. The seat was too high and I was nervous. I told the lady in charge to lower my seat. She ignored me and said it was the right height. I knew it was too high, but I was too nice to say anything.

I’m very athletic with really long legs and I’m really good at swimming, yoga, and hiking.

I was the grandma who jumped on the trampoline with her grandchildren and was learning to roller skate again, so I could be the FUN grandma.

But I wasn’t a biker, I never wanted to be a biker, and I was afraid of biking at my age.

But for some reason everyone seemed to think that this would be easy for me. It wasn’t easy, it was HARD, and just when I thought I was really going to love this trip, a car came from nowhere and almost hit me. All of my weight went to my left ankle and foot. I stood still but the bike went down.

Woman we’re staring at me, woman who you thought we’re your friends, we’re probably laughing at me. Woman can be so MEAN(especially competitive woman)

There was one particular woman who had it out for me the minute she saw me. She instantly hated me. This woman was supposed to be my friend. We we’re members of the same church and instead of being my friend, she bullied me for an entire week.

She stared at me everyday. She saw pictures of my husband who I love dearly and said he was heavy, like her husband was. I said that was an old picture and he had lost a lot of weight.

She asked me if all of my money that I earned at a Boutique went to clothes, she asked if I always used that much salt on my food. She kept staring at me and I’ve never felt more humiliated or uncomfortable in my entire life.

This woman was a BULLY who came on a trip to Amsterdam to release stress. I put up with her bullying for an entire week, until the last day when she asked me why I was getting in the hot tub and that I was going to get cellulitis.

I told her I was getting in the hot tub because I had spent a ton of money on a trip that I was supposed to be biking and instead I spent the entire week on a boat while she rode on her bike thinking that she was better than everyone there.

My friend told me she had been a Relief Society President and she was a widow. I was kind to her for an entire week. I had compassionate for her. Even though I could barely walk, had a sprained ankle, a torn ACL, two miniscus tears, and a bone chip, with injuries that have changed my life forever.

The second day I got on the bike I had sprained my ankle and probably a partial ACL tear is what my surgeon thinks. I didn’t even know I had injured my knee until two days later. I got on the bike the next day because I’m tough and a fighter and I had paid a lot of money to go on this trip. A very nice friend invited me to go but her friend was not my friend, and I was the underdog.

The weather was cold, my friend was worried about me. I was shivering and dehydrated and on a bike tour that I should of never gone on because I never felt good about going.

We had biked 15 miles in really cold weather. I was the smallest female there with the least amount of body fat. I was dehydrated, exhausted, and I had a sprained ankle.

We were given the opportunity to go on a longer ride, the competitive ones were eager to go. The bully was the first to say she was going. My friend looked at me with compassion and I told her I would go and I would be ok. That was a bad decision on my part.

We were in a busy city with street lights and curves and turns and stopping and starting and my body was taking a beating. All of the sudden I felt this horrible pain shoot down my left calf, I couldn’t move and I cried out in excruciating pain and I CRASHED again, this time going down HARD.

However, this is when the story gets beautiful.

Out of nowhere, a beautiful Dutch lady who was on a feeding tube or possibly an oxygen tube came running to me. She picked me up and held my hand and brought me into her home. I was bleeding profusely and she dressed my wound. I couldn’t walk and she took my hand, I was afraid and she made me feel safe and loved. Her husband comforted me, he talked to me, brought me into his home, they made me tea and they gave me a ride to my boat and he offered me his crutches.

It was Easter Sunday and a catholic couple who I had never meant in my entire life, treated me better than most members of my own church ever have.

To be a Christian is not about your religion, its how you treat people.

None of us need one more person bashing or pointing out where we have failed or fallen short. Most of us are already well aware of the areas in which we are weak. What each of us does need is family, friends, employers, and brothers and sisters who support us, who have the patience to teach us, who believe in us, and who believe we’re trying to do the best we can, in spite of our weaknesses. Whatever happened to giving each other the benefit of the doubt? What ever happened to hoping that another person would succeed or achieve? What ever happened to rooting for each other?

Marvin J. Ashton

Her name was Wilma en Anco MullerVoorstraat 241931 AL Egmond aan see

I will never forget her, she was my guardian angel, and I thank God every day that she was on her front porch that day, so that I could witness a miracle.

Today is March 28th 2023. It’s a Tuesday morning and my heart is beating faster today because I have the Holy Ghost with me.

This past year has been one of the most difficult, painful and agonizing years for me personally. Yet, through all of the hard stuff, the complete awareness that life is so short and this time on earth is only a moment compared to eternity.

I was spending 2 to 4 days a week visiting my mom, seeing her face, touching her hands and watching her struggle to barely be able to get out of bed during this past year, I watched her fight for her dignity, suffer in silence and yearn for the love of my incredible father.

On February 3rd 2023 I watched my mom take her last breath from this mortal life. It was surreal, indescribable, frightening, agonizing and unreal all at the same time. It’s almost been two months, and I’m just not quite sure how to move past the pain.

However, for today, I have chosen to be happy, to embrace goodness, to remember her green eyes and her incredible sense of humor. Today I choose to be HAPPY 😃

It was a growing year, a tender year, a refining year. My mom was the first person to hold me, to feed me, to dress me and to encourage me and most of all to love me,

I know that my greatest blessing as a child was the love that my mom and dad had for each other. This love sustained me through all of my growing up years. It wasn’t perfect, but it was safe, quiet, comfortable and calm.

I had a beautiful childhood and beautiful parents who loved each other deeply.

However, in 1979 my oldest brother Stephen took his own life at the young age of 21. He struggled with depression, addiction, ADHD, and many other life altering conditions. On April 14, 1979 my life changed forever. I have never been the same and will forever be in a state of asking the same question over and over again(WHY?)

Why do so many people have to suffer on this earth, why is depression so hard to treat, why is the brain such a intricate part of the body that controls everything in our human bodies.

Our brain even tells our body to breathe. It’s the most phenomenal part of our human existence.

When the brain makes the connection to tell us to breathe, we breathe, it tells us to eat, we eat and it even tells us to exercise, and if we listen, we choose to exercise.

The brain is indeed our best friend, or our worst enemy. Ever since Stephen died, I have been trying to figure out my own brain and it’s still a work in progress.

I know that my brain needs exercise everyday, it needs human touch, it does better in quiet peaceful environments and it is at its upmost efficiency when I’m teaching babies and young children to swim.

My brain hates being rushed, it doesn’t like contention, hates loud noises and unkind words. My brain is highly affected by body language. I can tell instantly if someone likes me or not by their body language and I am extremely sensitive to this. I love people and enjoy connecting with all ages. I love to immerse myself in the diversity of others.

On the good days, the incredibly beautiful days, my brain can be pretty tough. But on the weak days, the raw days, the vulnerable days, the days I can barely breathe, I just melt to the ground , if even one negative word is repeated or said to me, my brain is like a butterfly, all encompassing in magnificence when all of my ducks are lined up in a row, but on the rough days, I’m more like a potato bug, grey, round and curled up in a tiny ball hoping no one can see me or get too close to me.

Through all of this uncertainty and the unknown mysteries of life. I am forever grateful that today I am in the loving arms of my Savior Jesus Christ. He is my redeemer, my comforter, my best friend and the one person that I truly hope to please today.

For today, I’m going to smile bigger, laugh louder, hug deeper and jump a little higher…

Today I’m going to live like nothing else matters in the world besides pleasing God.

With God, nothing is impossible and through all of the impossible dreams that we have or share with others, the dream that I have for today is to know that God does love me and he has forgiven me. With this knowledge, I can truly emerge from my potato bug existence and truly become a butterfly.

Today is my 38th wedding anniversary. I wasn’t sure what I could write about 38 years in just one post, but I’ll give it a shot.

I’ve always liked watermelons 🍉. They appeal to me in every shape and form. I like the way they smell, the way they look on the inside, and the seeds that make them strong and vibrant. Some people prefer seedless watermelons because you get to the good stuff fast. But I like watermelons with seeds, because you have to work hard to find the sweet stuff inside.

I prefer watermelons with lots of seeds actually. The seeds determine the outcome, and strong seeds produce strong watermelons.

I like that you have to pound on them to see if they’re good. The outsides important, but it’s the inside that’s just really delicious. It takes a while to figure out how to to pick a good watermelon. You have to get a few bad ones, before you appreciate how good a ripe watermelon actually is.

On a summer day, when the sun is shining at just the right moment, a slice of watermelon is like finishing a good book, going to a play you actually understand, or watching a sporting event where everything just lines up in the favor of the team your rooting for.

My marriage to Daren is like a good slice of watermelon . I’ve always loved watermelon from the first time I tasted it. I feel the same about Daren. From the very beginning I liked him and could never find a reason to not want to be with him.

Because I’ve always loved watermelon, I’ve always loved Daren. For the most part, it’s been pretty easy to love him. However, sometimes his exterior is a little hard to figure out. But I’ve learned if I give him just the right amount of time and space, he usually comes around and becomes that wonderful slice of watermelon that I’ve always known was there. After 38 years, I’ve discovered that the inside of the watermelon gets better with time, with experience, with mistakes of maybe picking a bad melon more than you want to admit, but always fighting for that watermelon that just seems right on a summer day in June.

Watermelon has become a taste of choice for me. I love watermelon jolly ranchers, water melon suckers , watermelon snow cones, watermelon pop sickles, and watermelon laughy taffy, and now my all time favorite treat is, is “watermelon gummies”.

I’m a summer girl, with summer dreams, and summer memories. Since water is one of my favorite elements, it makes sense to love watermelons. Because Daren is definitely my favorite person, it makes sense to love watermelons more 🍉 today more than I did yesterday.

Happy 38th anniversary Daren Hogge, and thanks for always making it easy just to love you a little bit more EVERYDAY.

I believe that somewhere in this incredibly crazy world we live in, the word faith has dissipated.

I was always told that faith is believing the sun will rise, after each new day. Faith is the knowledge of believing that things will get better, even if we can’t see the end result. Complete faith is the knowledge of things hoped for but not seen

For me, faith has to be my driving force, the reason I want to get up each morning. It’s the glue that keeps me connected to a hope for a brighter tomorrow and the knowledge that heaven truly is a beautiful place.

There are two primary forces in this world, fear and faith. Fear can move you to destructiveness, sickness, or failure. Only in rare instances will it motivate you to accomplishment… But faith is a greater force. Faith can drive itself into your consciousness and set you free from fear forever.

In the world today, fear has taken precedence over faith. There is so much uncertainty in mankind, putting all of their faith in the natural man & relying on so many outside sources that seem so confusing. The yearning for peace & stability can be very unwavering.

I for one, know that the faith I had as a little child is what gets me through the toughest days. The days I spend with little children keep me grounded in knowing that their sweet & innocent spirits are what help make me a better person.

when I see faith as the driving force, I picture children playing at recess together, puppies snuggled against their mothers warm body, & babes in the arms of their fathers while their mothers sleep soundly in white satin sheets.

True faith always moves a person to some kind of physical or mental action; it carries an assurance of the promise of things hoped for that can’t actually be seen.

Faith always leads to a righteous action, a honest desire & a hope that things will get better.

Some positive benefits of faith are: Inner strength to give back & serve the less fortunate, It gives purpose in life & helps to overcome stress, anxiety & fear.

Faith can be the pathway to finding solutions & gives a sense of belonging. It brings peace & joy to sustain us through the most difficult trails of life.

People were naturally drawn to the Savior Jesus Christ because of his mild temper & heartfelt abiding love for his children. The love the Savior has for all his children exemplifies the most complete and infinite kind of faith & is the core of goodness that can be seen in the most humble followers of Christ today.

FAITH:

F is for FREEDOM from sin

A is for the ASSURANCE that Christ does live

I is for the INCREDIBLE love he has for his children

T is for the TENDERNESS of his loving arms around us

H is for HOPE of a brighter tomorrow & peace for a brand new day

This past year I set a goal to write in my blog once a month. I was doing really good until the pandemic hit in mid March. I’m not sure how most people feel about writing during this time of uncertainly, but for me it’s been very difficult. In my own heart I know that this is just a small moment in time, but there are days when it seems like it will never end. I have really tried to move forward with faith, reflect on the things that have gone right (and there have been so many of them) and know that the only thing we truly have control over is our reaction to things. As I reflect on this year, the word exquisite fills my head.

This word has several meanings: It’s all in the way you perceive things. It can be the most beautiful word if used correctly, and one of the most negative if used to the contrary.

To me the word exquisite is the ocean at 6:00 a.m., when the tide is low and the water is calm. It’s the mountains in Alpine above my home on a October afternoon.

The word exquisite is my daughter Kailee’s green eyes that pierce my soul, my granddaughter Sydney’s eyes that are so brown you want to become better just by staring at her. And then there’s Ivy’s blue eyes that magically seem to watch every move I make. When I am with Ivy, I want to be a better person. They say that eyes are windows to the soul and I believe that through someone’s eyes we can tell a lot about a person.

To me exquisite is staring at a beautiful painting, marveling at the sunset, eating a hot fudge sundae with every topping you can imagine, running a marathon, doing a headstand for the first time, and learning to ride a bike without training wheels. It’s the beauty of knowing that something small & simple can become exquisite, if we just keep our eye on the beholder. This word is the best of the best: Exquisite beauty, exquisite joy, exquisite wonderment, and exquisite majesty. When I hear the word exquisite, I want to try harder, be kinder, love deeper and just embrace the goodness of the word.

However, there is opposition in all things, and to some, exquisite is agonizing pain, the worst of the worst, intense fear and loneliness, and it can also be used to explain darkness.

In the October 2020 general conference for “The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints,” Elder Mathew S Holland gave one of the most amazing talks about Christ, entitled “The Exquisite Gift Of The Son” and he speaks of how Christ is the only one who truly understands what exquisite truly means.

When the Savior was on the cross and when he was left alone without the companionship of the Holy Ghost, he truly knew exquisite pain and agony beyond anything that mortals would ever understand…. He had to know what it was like to be without the comforter to truly take on our sins. His pain on the cross was so exquisite that he bled from every pore. There is no power on the earth that will ever comprehend what he truly went through for us, so that we can be forgiven of our sins. There is nothing we haven’t experienced that he doesn’t already know, and it is through true repentance and a complete dependency on Him, that we truly come to understand what the word exquisite actually means.

The beautiful part of the word exquisite is that when we become perfected in Christ, and we repent of our sins, we can feel exquisite JOY. The most amazing part of becoming one with Christ is to know Him & to want to be like Him.

Everything good comes from Christ & our desire to find exquisite joy is to truly understand exquisite pain. It is through this opposition that we find our healer in Christ. In order to experience true joy, we have to be refined and purified through the trails of mortality. “Men are that they might have joy” and joy cometh to those who wait upon the Lord. His timing is not our timing and our waiting upon Him depends upon our worthiness.

I believe that there will be a day when all of the pains and sorrows of this mortal life will be erased. The things that weigh us down, our insecurities, our weaknesses, our fears, our shortcomings, and all of the human frailties that we seem to hold onto, will be but a small moment compared to eternity.

I believe the day I get to meet the Savior will be like no other on this earth. I believe there will be heralded angels singing, the moon will be perfect, the stars will be brighter than the noonday sun, and light will be so exquisite that our eyes will never be the same. I know that because of this mortal journey we call life, the expansion of eternity is to me, EQUISITE JOY and undeniable peace that only those who have walked with God will ever understand.

Exquisite is everything beautiful, wonderful, extraordinary and amazing all in one incredible moment. When I take my last mortal breath, my spirit will become extraordinarily exquisite, and I, like so many who have gone before me, will become “One with The Savior”.