Silence

Jan 24, 2017

I have realized over the last couple of months how much silence is a part of my life.  I’m not one that likes a lot of noise,  but I love to listen to music, hear a creek running in the background and I  bask in the laughter of children.

The last few months have brought silence to a higher level for me.  I believe that through silence we find our true selves.

My husband is working in Frisco, Texas and I am in Utah.  I don’t know how this really happened, but it just did.

I am learning to be with myself more than I ever dreamed possible and realizing that I’m not always that fun unless I am with someone.

I am normally a people person and thrive on being with others.  However, the last 2 months have been some of the lonliest in my entire life.  I see his face wherever I go,   His smile warms me and having him hold me is like going to Paris 1,000 times.

Words cannot describe how much I miss him and how incredibly dependent I am on just having him present in my life.

He is my husband, my best friend, my lover and my eternal companion.  He’s a part of me.  I feel like I lost a limb the day he took this job.  I keep looking for the lost limb, pretending it is still there, but it’s gone.  I was dealt a deck of cards that I don’t want and I suspect it is going to take me a while to accept that.  I keep looking for the same deck I had a few months ago, however, that deck is gone.  I just keep looking at the new deck hoping that it’s a bad dream.  But my deck has changed and I have to find the courage to accept the new deck.

I may have to look at one card at a time, because if I try to embrace the entire deck, my heart stops beating and I am paralyzed with fear.

I pray for strength, for conviction, for protection and guidance during this very difficult time.

He is always on my mind, in my heart and forever the person I rely on the most.  I pray that this job will end soon and he will be by my side, especially during those moments when breathing sometimes seems impossible.

He is the father of my children, the protecter of our home and the person who makes me feel whole.

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Author: Butterfly kisses

I am a mother of five, a grandmother of seven, a wife ,an Aunt, and a sister. I am very selective with whom I consider my dearest friends. I own a Swim School, am a yoga enthusiast, am obsessed with fashion, buttered popcorn, hot yoga, mountain hikes, easy ski runs on sunny days and dancing every chance I get. I pretty much exist on diet coke and bagels with cream cheese. I love to be around positive, successful, confident people. I dislike tuna fish, crowded spaces, people who are rude and inconsiderate, and traffic jams. I love to ride horses, sing in the shower and laugh at silly jokes. I can run on a beach for hrs, shop until I drop and can remember Kindergarten like it was yesterday. I love romantic movies, crushed ice and I’m obsessed with brushing my teeth and taking very long hot showers. I hate when adults cone too early to functions and don’t offer to help. I absolutely despise gossip and I love listening to all kinds of music (especially Christian and Country Western). Young children make me the happiest, teenagers amaze me and help keep me young. The word old does not exist in my vocabulary. I have an enormous heart, I get my feelings hurt way too easily and I’m the first to defend the underdog. I always stand up for truth even in the most difficult of circumstances. My favorite quote is “When Words Fail, Music Speaks”. My favorite person is my significant other and my least favorite thing to do is sit at a desk and stare at a computer screen. I hope to write a book someday entitled “Windows To My Soul” . I’m working on sitting still long enough so that I can accomplish this lifetime goal. Line upon line, precept upon precept” is my mantra.

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