~Winnie The Poo~

My first memories of becoming a mom were Tylers yellow terry cloth pajamas that had a little embroidered patch of Winnie The Poo in the right hand corner. We did not have a lot of money back then so these little yellow Jammies were pretty special to me.

My desire to become a mom at age 24 was very strong, however; my knowledge of the true impact a mother has on her child became stronger with every pregnancy, and with every pregnancy I became closer to God.

I always felt this deep connection to God when I was carrying Tyler and I knew that he was going to be an incredible young man.

I’m not sure I still understand the impact that having an 8 lb lb 7 oz baby boy who was 22 1/2 inches long would have on my life.

Tyler has always been such a source of strength for me and he was born scoring straight 10’s on the abgar chart and he was indeed a beautiful healthy baby boy.

About 3 1/2 months ago Tyler was at a baseball game in Cincinnati Ohio with my husband Daren, his best friend Colby Green, my second oldest son Austin and Dylan who is my third oldest son who also has a twin brother named Blake.

Blake is not as big of a baseball fan as the rest of the family and he also owns his own Wedding Photography Business so his summers are very busy. He was the only one of my sons who did not go on this party guys trip and he stayed home with his partner Trystan, probably eating really good food and hopefully taking breaks from editing all the beautiful pictures he takes. It’s a demanding job trying to make brides and grooms happy during his busiest season of the year.

On June 27th at approximately 1:00 p.m. this entire baseball crew went to lunch. A few minutes after everyone sat down to eat, Tyler started choking on a chicken wing. I wasn’t there to witness this moment, but according to what Daren told me, it was pretty much downhill from there.

Daren found out that day that Tyler has a tight esophagus which causes food to get caught easily, especially chicken and steak, which seem to be the worst types of food because of the dryness and texture of the meat.

Apparently Tyler has been dealing with this problem for quite a while. None of of us had any idea this was going on and unfortunately this particular incident was the worst one he had ever experienced.

They all left the restaurant quite concerned and since they were traveling I’m sure everyone’s anxiety was quite high.

When they arrived at the ballpark Tyler choose to sit away from everyone hoping that the chicken would pass quickly so he could enjoy the game.

Unfortunately this was not the case and Tyler spent the remainder of the game forcing himself to throw-up which usually caused the blockage to pass.

However, this never happened and Tyler was in a pretty bad state by the time the game was over. Daren ended up taking him to the Emergency Room. They gave Tyler something to relax his esophagus and everyone was finally able to relax a little bit.

The Dr told him that he needed to go see an ear nose and throat specialist to get his throat stretched when he returned home to Utah.

After I received the watered down version from Daren about what happened in Cincinnati I immediately called Tyler. He promised me he would get his throat stretched because the experience had shook him up and he knew that he needed to be pro-active.

Right after he had his procedure done Tyler left with his little family to Yellowstone.

Not long after he was there he started to have flu like symptoms, he was having a very difficult time breathing and he was running a very high fever.

When they returned home to Utah he was extremely ill and Laura immediately took him to the Emergency Room at American Fork Hospital. He was admitted immediately and diagnosed with pneumonia, he had developed a huge abscess on his left lung, and was also diagnosed septic ( which means that he had an infection that was so serious and it had entered into his bloodstream) If this infection is not treated properly and aggressively, you can die.

After a few days in the hospital it was confirmed that when Tyler was in Cincinnati and was throwing up at the baseball game the pressure from violently trying to get the chicken to pass caused a small tare in Tyler’s lung causing a serious infection to build up. He was also diagnosed with Aspiration which means that something had built up in his lungs after he had thrown/up several times.

This journey for me personally was extremely stressful, my anxiety was through the roof and watching your oldest child suffer so much was incredibly difficult for me.

Tyler was sent home on a six week anti/biotic treatment and very high doses of oxicotton.

My motherly instincts knew that Tyler was in grave danger. Every time I visited him in his home I knew that something was seriously wrong.

After several days of Tyler not getting better and barely being able to get up and go to the bathroom or not being able to go up or down stairs I knew that he was not getting better.

With the knowledge of a loving and caring Dr who lives across the street from Tyler, a very in/tune wife, in/laws who were so attentive and helpful, lots of fasting and prayers from families, friends and ward members, Tyler was rushed to Utah valley Hospital and immediately was admitted and within hours had emergency surgery that saved his life.

We were told that if he would have waited much longer the infection would have spread too much and Tyler would not have made it through the night. Miracles are all around us and this particular night many miracles took place.

I honestly have never been so scared and felt so extremely helpless. I have experienced loss on so many levels. My oldest brother died from suicide when I was seventeen, this incident alone changed me so much that most of my adult years have been spent wondering where he is, asking God Why this, but most importantly knowing that because of this experience I have become a better person.

During the past four years I have lost my father, my mother, my second oldest brother to pancreatic cancer, my daughter Kailee delivered a baby six weeks pre/mature, she could of died and so could the baby (they are both thriving) another miracle.

Daren’s dad also died last March from complications of diabetes and shingles. Two weeks prior to Daren’s dad death, Laura lost her youngest brother Doug from severe mental heath challenges (schizophrenia and bi/polar disorder). He also took his own life at the young age of 34.

The thought of losing my oldest son who has a beautiful wife and four incredible children was beyond my comprehension.

Those “Winnie The Poo” pajamas have definitely come to mind during these past few months. They are a symbol of my unwavering love for my first born son.

I think of Mary and Joseph and what they went through to bring Jesus to the earth.

She was a virgin and Joseph took her as his wife. It’s beyond my mortal comprehension how Joseph could be so good and Mary so “chosen”.

Tyler is my first born son, he was in my womb for nine months. We shared the same umbilical cord and I read a lot of books to him while I was carrying Him.

I hope “Winnie The Poo” was one of them because he is the epitome of kindness, friendship, laugher and He’s an all around good dude.

Goodness, kindness, long suffering, patience and laughter are all His qualities.

I hope that that some of these qualities are instilled in my oldest son, because when “Winnie The Poo” did not know what to do, he called on his fiends to help.

Tyler was sent to the earth for many reasons, he has so many things left to do.

There is that subtle reminder to me as his mom that we have to “Be Still” to know that we really know what God wants us to do.

Winnie the Poo knew how to be still and by being still we can feel the “Holy Ghost” in our lives.

As the song writer Christopher Cross put it so eloquently,

So help me if you can, I’ve got to get
Back to the house at Pooh Corner by one.

You’d be surprised, there’s so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive,
Chase all the clouds from the sky.

Back to the days of Tyler and Laura, a temple marriage, four beautiful children and a house with an office upstairs so Tyler can find the book “Winnie The Poo” and know that he has an earthly mom who loves him with every fiber of her being.

My wish for Tyler is that he will always know that yellow is one of my favorite colors and reading books to him when he was a young boy will indeed be one of my favorite memories of being his mom.