I have come to realize that life is a series of events that either make us or break us. Everyone goes through times where we wonder why. Why am I going through this? Why did this happen to me? This is not anything I would of ever chosen and I just want to stop time.
I remember when I was a little girl I asked for a tape recorder for Christmas. I loved to record my voice and I would pretend to be Howard Corsel and my brother was Mahabad Ali. I would interview him and record our voices. I was in my element and I thought being an interviewer would be fun. I always thought I would be in front of people making them laugh and I had a strong desire to help people.
However, my life has taken many twists and turns. I still have the same dream, but my path has taken a different course.
My husband, who I do love and adore, has different dreams than me. He wants financial security and he WORKS ALOT. On the outside it looks like I’m living the dream, but on the inside my heart hurts. My heart yearns for a simple life. A life where watching T.V. and laying by the fire are the best days. A life where there are no airports, no back to back trips and a peace just knowing that when I wake up, my husband will be lying next to me.
I would just like to push the pause button in my tape recorder. I don’t want to rewind my life, it’s been a good life. However, I want no repeats. I don’t want to fast forward it because that would make me older and wiser. I don’t want to be any older or wiser than I am right now. I just want to freeze time. I want to pause my life, go into hibernation, or just take a long, long Winter’s nap.
I believe that everyone has something we don’t want to face. Yet, life is full of tough meat, cloudy days and unsure futures. I believe that my challenge is to see how I can keep my light from going out, even though I would rather not even turn it on.
Sometimes change takes every breath you breath and every step you take to a level that’s really uncomfortable. I just hope that someday soon, this will all make sense and a little silver lining will shine though my inner vessel❤️.